0 Celsius: To thaw a frozen heart

Chapter 27: 8 degree Celsius

Boulevard of broken dreams

My childhood was the one every other child dreamed of.

I never longed for anything neither did any of my demands were left unfulfilled.

Result of it being that I never grew up to be greedy.

When all your wishes get satisfied you no longer aspire for more and more.

You learn contend.

And that's what my parents desired me to be like.

Humble, sweet, understanding ,down to earth and a perfect gentleman.

A man who has strength of character.

Power of words

And heart of emotions.

A man who doesn't class people instead treat rich and poor equally.

And may be that was one of the reasons I Alessandro Romano fell madly in love with a poor orphan

girl.

Who had nothing

No status, no riches ,no family name.

Nothing but a pure soul, a bright smile and golden heart.

Good looks backed by bank balance no doubt made large share of girls attracted towards me.

But those girls were nothing like her or so I thought.

She was different from all those I ever met before.

Different in an intriguing manner.

And now I know why she was like that.

While others were fake diamonds she was the real one who suffered the hardest blows of life to be

perfectly cut to reflect back light.

5 th July

2004

Dear diary

I am feeling very lonely so I decided to talk to you.

Diary am I very ugly?

Today the children at my orphanage again bullied me.

They said I was so ugly that my parents decided to discard me in a bin.

They said they will not let me play with them as they didn't want to touch shit that came out of a bin.

I wanted to cry....but I didn't

I learned how to control my tears.

But not for much longer

I cried a lot when I came to my room.

Maybe they are right...

I am ugly

But I can't change it right...

I have to accept it.

I watched them play with the dolls...

I also wanted a doll for me so I went to the head ma'am.

She scolded me by saying that she was filling my stomach... wasn't that enough ...

Ungrateful kid was what she called me.

So with a heavy heart and suppressed desire I remained silent.

But then a miracle happened.

At the backside of the building while I was roaming around my eyes caught a glimpse of a dolls face in

a box.

Gathering enough courage I opened the box to see discarded material in it.

The doll I found was broken

It's arm was not there and her leg was broken.

But luckily I found the broken arm lying in the box

I pulled out the doll and fixed it with glue.

The joints from where it was broken were visible but I covered it with a beautiful dress I myself stiched.

So in short I got my own doll.

A very beautiful one with blonde hair and green eyes.

Right now she is here in my lap as I am writing.

She is my first and most special possession and I will name it miracle.

So diary meet miracle...my first and last doll...my one and only toy.

.............

16January

2005

dear diary

Today again a family came.

They took Jasmine along.

They are her new mom and dad.

All the children with me have found new mom and dad

Then why haven't I?

Am I not good enough?

Am I a bad child...but I never hurt anyone...

Did I do something wrong?

I must have that's why I am getting a punishment

Right diary?

No one here loves me.. This is the property of Nô-velDrama.Org.

They say I don't deserve love.

But why diary?

Why don't I?

I must be really ugly

...............

15 December

2006

Hi diary...sorry I didn't got to write

Actually I was very busy....

They make me work till my head starts exploding.

No one comes to my help

Instead they chat around as I do their work.

But at least they don't hurt me now.

They just ignore me and it's better than getting hated by them I guess.

As I was cleaning the dishes they were talking about their boyfriends.

One said her boyfriend kissed her and they all looked very excited about it.

She was blushing and her level of happiness could not be compared.

She was ecstatic beyond words.

I wondered how it felt to kissed.

Would I blush like she is blushing...would I feel all that what she is talking about.

Did I deserved someone who will do all this for me?

This was just a wishful thinking and I can't even afford to think about it.

After all who will kiss a trash like me.

I am sure he will be disgusted by my touch let alone my kiss.

They are calling me again to wash the dishes...bye

.........................

18 September

2010

I am leaving my home..

Actually they are throwing me out.

I was no longer useful for them they said...I was covering unnecessary space and they wanted me

gone.

I am 16 now

A grown up I guess and I can take care of myself.

But the problem was money

I didn't had it.

And without it I can't even survive for 2 days.

I wanted to have that tasty looking donnut...but it costed 5$

I wanted a roof over my head....50$

I wanted to go to washroom....even that costed...1$

Everything can be bought with money. Not even a single thing is free in this world...

And if it's free then it is most dangerous...it will make you indebted and mind me they will recover not

only the principal but also interest.

Then interest will be charged on interest and this is how one day you will get so under it's weight that it

will eventually crush you.

So I decided to earn money to live.

Today is my first day in the restaurant...wish me luck....

Bye.....

......................

21 November

2013

Money is very powerful...

It can make others lay everything on your feet

It can make everyone worship you and kiss the floor you walk on.

I saw it today....only a glimpse of it's power but still enough.

A luxury car was speeding down the street when an old man decided to cross the road.

Brakes were applied but still the old man got hit and his forehead started bleeding.

The car door opened revealing a handsome boy with perfection personified.

A sorry would have been good but that was not what everyone thought.

As soon as hundreds of dollars were handed over to the old man..long gone were his painful cries and

pitiful state.

All his pain vanished like some miracle and he instead started thanking the rich boy.

The boy was gone with a arrogant look on his face and that smirk that showed that he already knew

this will happen.

I helped the old man and made him sit at the nearby bench.

Instead of treating his wound he was busy counting the dollars in his palms.

A smile lingered on his lips and on asking why he crossed the red light he simply answered

"Sometimes risking your life is worth it my dear child.."

That was the first time I realised that money can make you do things you can never dream of.

It can buy human lives and take them as well.

So money was everything for this world.....this world was materialistic even if everyone claimed they

are not.

Everyone is and even I became one.

..........

15january

2015

Dear diary...

Today a girl asked me

"Don't you need a boyfriend...?"

I was surprised at her question. She knew me well...she knew I didn't even talked to boys let alone date

them..

"Why would I need one?"

I asked trying to reason out

"Don't you feel lonely Sapphire. Trust me make a boyfriend....he will give you what you are lacking in

life....love"

I smiled at her reply...some people still need to grow up....

When life gives you times where you worry about you next meal you can't afford to engage with boys.

Children have crushes...teenagers make boyfriends but people like me....

Well we just have hope...hope of doing something better next day.

I have heard many stories of heartbreaks.

Boy cheating on the girl

Relations lacking trust

Confusing lust with love

And trust me when I say this that I am happy without a boy in my life.

I am happy with my small happy life that I have made for myself.

I am happy seeing sunset alone

I am happy watching other couples acting lovey dovey

I am happy being the unloved one.

It's not because I can't find a boyfriend...no I think everyone can....

It's just that I know in the end I am not brave enough.

I am not brave enough to survive if something goes wrong.

I know myself.

I will give my everything for him

But he may not...

And in the end I will be left broken with no one to pick me up.

I will be weak

And I don't want anyone to be my weakness.

I want to remain a strong independent women who doesn't takes a shit from anyone.

"Sensitive people can't love...they can only be used dear and in this world no one values 2 nd hand

goods"

She couldn't understand the depth of my reply and simply smiled..

Dear diary I know you must be thinking how can a girl not dream of love...

But I can't help it you know..

I can't believe that anyone here in this world will ever love me.

.......

25 December

2015

Today was a wonderful day until he decided to ruin it.

He is a regular customer here in the restaurant.

He tries to flirt with me and I ignore it trying to lessen my problems.

But he is adamant.

I hate seeing his face.

He smokes with his friends and they scale girls on their hotness .

How stupid can they be.

But today he crossed all limits.

He followed me to the alley behind the restaurant and tried to kiss me.

I never let any man touch me let alone talk rudely to me and this man had the audacity to force himself

on me.

I taught him a good lesson.

Burning his very cigarette on his skin gave me content .

But that was not enough to calm my burning anger.

In that empty alley at such a late hour I left him bloody with a broken nose and multiple bruises.

Neil Wilson

Is his name and he was the first man that made me loose the little trust I had in men.

I cried when I came back....I was afraid what he will do...

But I stayed strong because I knew I was right

And when you do something right you should not be scared of any one in this world .

I just hope I never see him again diary.....

...............