Arranged Mafia Marriage

Elsa

I spin around and walk toward the small room with pink walls, aware he is on my heels. My foot brushes against something soft. I pick up a teddy bear and toss it into the play area, then bend again to retrieve the doll she was playing with earlier. Tears squeeze out from the corners of my eyes, and I wipe them away. What’s the use of crying now, when the fact that Avery is not with me is no one else’s fault but my own?

I rub the back of my hand against my nose, then tuck the soft toy under my chin. I hear his footsteps behind me. The heat of his body envelops me and a shiver spirals down my spine. This… right here… It’s a complication I can do without. What the hell was I thinking, allowing him to get anywhere close to me? Why the hell am I not able to control myself when it comes to him?

I was doing so well. Stayed away from anything that could complicate my life. But one look at him that one time at the nightclub, and something came over me. I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind. I lay awake nights, thinking of him. Allowed myself to get myself off as I imagined him peering into my face-those big, blunt fingers of his sliding across my skin as he buried his face between my legs and bit down on my clit while he gripped my hips and held me in place when I tried to wriggle away.

He touches my shoulder, and I shudder.

“Don’t, please.” I pull away, drop the toy in the play area, then walk to the window.

Footsteps approach, then the heat of his body sears my back, and I know he’s standing behind me.

“Princess,” his low voice rumbles. The vibrations sink into my skin and arrow all the way down to my feet. I flinch.

“What do you want? Why are you here?”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be. Why don’t you leave, and do whatever it is you Sovranos spend your time doing?”

“You mean shooting down my enemies, and spending nights with different women.”

“Exactly.” I wipe the tears from my cheek.

“Thought you’d have better sense than believing the cliche that Hollywood has painted of us Mafiosos.”

“Are you trying to tell me you’re different?”

He hesitates.

“That’s what I thought.” I try to brush past him, but he grabs my wrist. Goosebumps pepper my skin and my entire body shudders. No, no, no; this is so wrong. I can’t allow my body to react with such intensity every time he touches me. I raise my gaze to his, and in his golden-brown ones, I see concern and something else I don’t dare define. I can’t allow him to care for me. That would simply make this entire arrangement untenable. It’d soften me toward him even more, it’d dissolve all the defenses I’ve built up against the world. It would put me in a situation I’d never be able to get out of. And I can’t afford that. I have to save the best parts of me for my daughter and I won’t be able to do that if I begin to lose myself again.

“I’m a masochist”

He blinks. “What?”

The words spill out of me like grains of sand from an hourglass. “I like to be spanked; I like to be beaten. I like to be blindfolded, then tied up with my legs spread wide apart, and brought to the edge over and over again. I like to be owned. I like to be told what to do. I like to have my choices taken away from me, and be directed every second of my waking life. I want to be in a twenty-four-seven Dominant-submissive relationship. I crave it so much that I went into therapy to find a way to control my urges. I met Fabio when he was stationed in London on a project for the Italian police. I knew the only way he would marry me was if I didn’t reveal my submissive tendencies. By then, I had managed to control my urges enough that I could stay loyal to him, and have an ordinary relationship. I stayed that way until Avery was born.”

“What happened after her birth?”

“I had post-partum depression. I found myself, once more, craving the lifestyle.” I shuffle my feet. “I managed to curb it until she was a year old. Then, when Fabio was away on a trip, I had my babysitter stay the night, and I visited an S&M club. There, for the first time since even before her birth, I felt like myself. I finally felt grounded and alive. After that, I began to visit the clubs frequently. All of my hard-won control was gone.”Belongs to © n0velDrama.Org.

His jaw tics and a nerve throbs at his temple. “Did you sleep with other men?”

“No.” I lock my fingers together in front of me. “You have to understand that I was always faithful to him, even if he wasn’t to me, but I couldn’t stop myself from being there, and watching what was happening. Even if it wasn’t me being bound, seeing someone else getting off that way helped.” I draw in a breath. “One day, I returned from a club to find that Fabio had arrived home early from his trip. It was clear, from the way I was dressed and how I smelled, what I had been up to. That was the first time he hit me.”

He fists his fingers at his sides. “He hit you? The bastard hit you?”

“I deserved it.” I glance away. “I knew it was wrong. I was a mother. I should have known better than to hang around the clubs and spy on other masochists with their Doms, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’d wait, and as soon as I managed to find an opportunity, I’d slip away to one of the clubs.”

“What happened then?”

I open my mouth, but can’t bring myself to say it.

“Tell me, Princess. What did that bastard do to you?”

“The beatings became more frequent. You’d have thought that as a masochist I would enjoy them. At least, that was Fabio’s justification for hitting me. Turns out, even a masochist can tell the difference between being beaten for pleasure and being beaten to be abused.” I wrap my arms around my waist.

The skin around Seb’s lips tightens; he curls his fingers into fists. “What else did that pezzo di merda do?” he growls.

“He began keeping my daughter from me as a way of trying to control me. It was horrible.” A teardrop slides down my cheek. “I tried to stay away from the lifestyle. Honestly. But I found… I found I missed it so much. I wouldn’t let him sleep with me. I lost interest in having sex with him.”

“Good,” he says in a hard voice.

“That made him really angry. He… he…” I swallow.

“What did he do, Elsa?” he growls. “Tell me.”

“The abuse grew worse, and it didn’t matter what I wanted. He threatened me, told me that if I didn’t stop, didn’t start acting like a good mother and a good wife, he’d take Avery away from me. For a while, the threat worked. I stayed away from the clubs. Things seemed to go back to normal-well, as normal as they could be, considering…” I draw a breath. “Then one day, when he was away on a trip, I couldn’t fight the urge anymore. I tried to stop myself. I really did, but one night when Avery was asleep, I called the babysitter over and went back to the club. That day… For the first time, I allowed myself to be tied up and whipped.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’ll never forgive myself for it. I returned home and Avery was gone.”

His shoulders stiffened. “What do you mean, ‘gone’?”

“He had taken her and left for Italy.”

“And he didn’t tell you?”

I shake my head.

His eyes flash, a nerve twitches at his temple. He seems angry, not at me, but on my behalf. Huh?

“So, you moved to Italy to be closer to her?” he finally asks.

I nod. “I was lucky to find a job with Theresa. It’s what’s saved me, giving me a place to go to every day, and money to survive. I begged Fabio for a divorce, and he refused me initially. When he finally signed the papers, I couldn’t believe it, especially since he seemed to resent me even more afterward. My instincts told me he was up to something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.”

“He had an ulterior motive?”

I nod. “Now I know the reason he signed the papers was so he could file for sole custody on the grounds that I’m an unfit mother. And he’s right. No mother who has the best interests of her daughter at heart would have done what I’ve done. I don’t deserve her, but I can’t live without seeing her. I need to be in her life, Seb. I do.”

“Just because you’re submissive, doesn’t mean you’re an unfit mother, Elsa.” His voice sounds deeper.

I chuckle, “That’s a very nice thing to say, but-”

“I am not saying this to humor you.” He grips my shoulders. “Look at me, Princess.”

I raise my chin.

“I’ve seen you with Avery; you love her.”

“More than my life.”

“You’re an amazing mother who cares for her child deeply and will do anything for her happiness.”

Something hot stabs at my chest. Why does it have to be an almost-stranger like this guy, a man who can also be a big-time jerkass, to tell me something I’ve longed to hear? Why does it take this alphahole to build my self-esteem? I shake my head. “So why can’t I stop myself from being a masochist?”

“Just because you are a mother, doesn’t mean you have to stop being a woman, or being sexually active. And if it means you need to indulge your masochistic side, then you’re entitled to that.”

I peer into his eyes. “But how am I supposed to reconcile the two? How can I be a mother, yet also explore my sexual identity? Especially when I need to be treated a certain way in order to feel anything. It’s wrong Seb. I don’t want to go to those nightclubs. I don’t want to look at others getting it on.”

“You don’t have to.”

“You’re not listening to me. It’s a part of me I cannot cut out completely.”

“You don’t have to.”

He holds my gaze and there’s decisiveness in his features.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m saying, there’s a way for you to be a mother, and my wife, and not have to give up the part that makes you feel fulfilled as a woman.”

My heart begins to race and my pulse pounds at my temples.

“What… what are you saying?” I whisper.

“I’ll be your Dom.”