Bridesmaid Undercover: An incredibly steamy, hilarious, friends to lovers, love triangle romantic comedy

EVERLY

Did Hardy Hopper just ask me out to dinner?

This has been one of the craziest afternoons of my life. First, Hardy’s reunion with Maple. What. A. Disaster. I’ve never seen a bumbling Hardy. So weird. I do not think Maple is into Hardy at all. And yet he still hopes.And then to end up in a hospital after driving like a madwoman to get here. Thank God Brody is okay, but again, what a weird afternoon.

Let’s not forget that the man of my dreams, the modern-day Adonis himself, asked me to share a meal with him.

Um…yes!

“You know,” he continues, “since we’ve been here for a few hours and I’m starving.” His eyes plead with mine, as if I need convincing.

Ha, sir, I would eat dinner off your nose if you asked me. Fork and knife that meal right off the waxed nostril.

And I know what you’re thinking…you’re supposed to be moving on from the bearded beauty.

You’re not supposed to be thinking about him in any other way than as the man you’re trying to help reconnect with his ex.

But…

A meal with Hardy?

I have to live for this moment, if anything, to help me through dates with men like Tomothy, who prefer to talk about gastric distress.

“I would love to. My stomach has been growling this whole time.”

“Then dinner it is,” he says, and then to my surprise places his hand on my lower back as we make our way through the hospital.

Oh yes, just like that.

I revel in the feel of his warm palm against my clothes.

I cherish this walk.

From the antiseptic smell to the bad linoleum, I desperately commit it to memory, hating myself for feeling so strongly about this man when I really shouldn’t. Ember is right—he’s after someone else and I need to keep that on repeat in my head when he does things like ask me to dinner, or place his hand on my lower back, or tell me that I deserve way more than a Tomothy.

But mother of God, can I just soak this in for a second?

When we hit the parking lot and reach my car, I unlock it and open my driver side door only to quickly shut it, eyes watering at the stench. “Oh my God.” I cover my nose and look up at Hardy in horror.

“Oh no,” he says. “Did my body not soak up all of the puke?”

“Doesn’t smell like it,” I say.

Hardy pulls out his phone. “I’ll take care of it.”

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Grabbing us an Uber.” He lifts his eyes. “Pizza good for you?”

“Yeah, that works.”

Hardy types away on his phone and when he’s finished, he says, “Uber will be arriving in five minutes. We need to head to the front of the hospital.” He nods toward it but continues to type away on his phone.

“What are you typing over there?” I ask as we set off.

“Texting my buddy who owns a body shop. I’m going to have him grab your car and do a detailing.”

Oh…okay, see? A true knight in shining armor.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” I say quickly.

“It’s done,” he says as we reach the front of the hospital. “Consider it a thank-you for everything you’re doing for me.”

“Hardy—”

“Or just a friendly gesture.”

“Hardy,” I start to say again.

“Or an ‘I’m sorry.’”

My brow creases. “Sorry for what?”

“For not soaking up all the puke with my shirt.” He winks.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I toe the ground, feeling all shy and wooed by a man who is clearly not wooing me. “Maybe next time, though, puff your chest some more. Really give the throw-up a blank canvas.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

My phone dings in my purse, so I grab it and see that there’s a text from Maggie.

Maggie: Thank you so much for taking care of Brody. I can’t imagine what I would have done if this had happened and he’d been alone at our place. I just keep thinking about how lucky I am that he was with you. You acted quickly and got him where he needed to be. I’m so thankful for you and for Hardy. Thank you.

I smile softly and text her back.

Everly:I’m glad we were able to help. Let me know if you need anything—I can drop it off.

Maggie: Thank you. Hattie was driving right behind me. She’s going to my place to pick up some things and then coming here. But thank you. Can you just handle the joint email and cancel my meetings for tomorrow?

Everly:Of course. Let me know if there’s anything else you need. Just take care of Brody for now and I got you.

Maggie:Thank you, Everly.

When I stick my phone back in my purse, Hardy asks, “Everything okay?”

“Yes. Maggie was just thanking us again. She mentioned how grateful she was that Brody was with us, and I keep thinking, what would have happened if he got sick and he was alone? What would he have done?”

“Can’t think about that kind of stuff.” Hardy shakes his head. “Mainly because worrying about the what-ifs is never productive.”

“You’re right,” I say.

He leans in closer. “And also because we’re both people who live alone and thinking about that shit is scary.”

For some reason that makes me laugh. “Yeah, makes me almost want to ask Tomothy if he’s interested in date number two.”

Hardy shakes his head. “Nothing should ever drive you into his arms again…ever. Burst appendix and all.”

“When I sayno one ever wants to share pizza with me, I’m not kidding,” Hardy says as he picks up a piece from our shared pie. The Uber dropped us off at a hole-in-the wall Italian place downtown, and we may as well be in Lady and the Tramp, just minus the spaghetti. “They always say pineapple isn’t supposed to be on pizza, but I don’t agree.”

“I’ve never had just pineapple, it’s always accompanied by ham or pepperoni, but I’m not opposed to this. It’s sweet, and the side of barbeque sauce is a nice surprise.”

“Good, right?” Hardy asks, waggling his brows.

“I would say more along the lines of interesting.”

“Hey, I’ll take it,” he says with a smile. “Maple never liked pineapple on pizza.”

Which makes me a better fit for Hardy than she is, but we’re not going to mention that or make this a competition because Maple is actually really sweet.

But just for my own personal record and satisfaction…ha, Maple, I can share a pizza with Hardy, and you can’t.

Okay, pettiness is over.

“Shame,” I say. “Because it’s good. The dipping sauce I’m still adjusting to.”

“Hang out with me some more and I’ll win you over.” He winks.

Boy, you have already won me over.

You won me over months ago.

After he swallows and takes a sip of his drink, he says, “So, tell me about your day.”

“Pretty sure you know about my day,” I say.

“Yeah, but you’re not eating dinner alone tonight, so act like I don’t know anything about what happened today.”

Well…that makes my heart nearly beat out of my chest as I look into his perfectly blue eyes. With comments like that, he’s making it next to impossible for me to even think about anyone else but him.

“Come on,” he says. “Indulge me.” He then clears his throat. “Hey, Everly. Nice to see you for the first time today. Tell me, how was your day? Any highs, any lows? Anything you want to share?”

I smirk and play along. “Hello, Hardy. It is great to see you for the first time today.”

He leans in and whispers, “Well done.”

“Thanks.” I chuckle and then get back into character. “Wow, what a day. You’ll never believe it.”

“Sounds intriguing—tell me what happened.”

“It started with a protein shake.”

“Oh, we going back that far? Okay.” He settles into his chair. “Tell me about this protein shake. What flavors are we talking about here?”

“Banana and peanut butter, my absolute favorite flavor.”

“Killer combination, and what a way to start your day.”

“Thank you. I thought so as well. I then went into a day full of annoying admin work that no one likes but has to get done.”

“Emails.” He rolls his eyes. “Am I right?”

“You are so right.” I chuckle. “But then I had this meeting that altered my entire day.”

“Oh? Okay, lay it on me.”

“Well, it started with the best man asking me to hook him up with the maid of honor.”

“Hook him up?” Hardy asks. “Why can’t he just ask her out himself?”

“Get this,” I say loving every second of this. “They used to date back in college. Sounded like they were friends with benefits.”

“Uh, is that what she said?” he asks, slightly wincing.

“No, but it’s what I gathered from speaking with both of them. Apparently, they had some wild nights. Beer pong tournaments, Ed Sheeran playing in the background— the best man often cried when ‘Perfect’ came on. He also liked to sway in the corner by himself with just his beer bottle when the song played. I think the maid of honor, the ex, was jealous when he did that.”

He quirks his lips to the side. “Are you sure he cried?”

“Positive. She showed me several pictures of him weeping. When I met up with him today, all I could think about was his ugly cry face and of course his sloppy kisses.”

“Sloppy kisses, huh?” he asks, looking skeptical and hopefully picking up on the fact that I’m making up this entire thing.

“Yeah. She said sometimes it was like a tidal wave of slobber when they made out. And one of the reasons she dealt with a salivating man was because she had dry lips and found him to be a great way to moisturize them.”

“That’s…disturbing.”

I let out a loud laugh and then shrug. “To each their own, right? Can’t judge someone for wanting soft lips and finding a great way to keep them that way.”

“I guess so.”

“Anyway, I had to meet with both of them today, and if I could describe it in one word, I would say awkward.”

“Awkward?” he asks with raised brows.

“Oh yeah. You should have seen the best man. An absolute disaster. He went to say hi to her and instead of offering a wave or a quick hello like a normal person, he face-planted into her breasts. Right then and there as a greeting.”

“Are you sure he didn’t trip? Or maybe someone bumped into him.”

I take a sip of my drink and shake my head. “Nope. You could see it in his eyes the minute she walked up to him. He had his sights set on her breasts, and he wasn’t going to have it any other way. Of course, he was like ‘oh I tripped,’ but we all knew what he was doing, greeting her nose to boob. Classless if you ask me.”

He leans back in his chair, studying me, the corners of his lips tugging up. “But why would he greet her nose to boob? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Oh, it does to me. I found out he’s part of this friend group that has a hard time understanding the intricacies of the female genitalia. Pretty sure he thought by going in nose to boob, he was getting her revved up for a lip-moistening make-out session.”

He taps his fingers on the table. “This group, it doesn’t happen to be headed up by someone by the name of Tomothy, does it?”

I wave my hand in dismissal. “Can’t be sure. I tend to stay away from men with female complexes. Not worth my time. So yeah, after the motorboating attempt, we awkwardly shifted around the space. I tried to keep us on track and focused on the event, but he kept announcing how awkward he was feeling. Even at one point, he said his body was buzzing and then motioned to his…crotch.”

Hardy’s expression flattens, and I burst out in laughter.

“I don’t think he did that.”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“Oh, he did for sure. He said buzzing, and then with both hands, pointed right at his weiner.” I’m still laughing. “It took everything in me not to gag. It was so bad that I sent the MOH upstairs to check out a loft space, and that’s when I told him he was blowing it, and he needed to get his act together. You’ll never believe what he did then.”

Hardy folds his arms across his chest. “Let me guess, he tried to kiss you.”

“Eck, gross, no, thank God. He swayed one way, then the other, and I was about to ask him what was wrong, but before I could, he passed out, fell right into my chest with a thunk. I couldn’t hold his body weight, so we flew through a bathroom wall, erupted a pipe and, while I scrambled to get him off me, the place started to flood. The maid of honor came back downstairs and found him with his face pressed against my breasts. She was so insulted that she took off. I called the ambulance to help me with the passed-out man, turned off the water, and then rode in the ambulance with him where we found out that his appendix burst. So yeah, what a day.”

He stares at me, a mix of humor and calculation crossing his features. “Yeah, that’s quite the day.”

“What about you?” I ask casually, picking up my piece of pizza.

“Not nearly as eventful. Just got some work done and then listened to a friend tell me the most insane lie I’ve ever heard.”

“Ugh, people, always trying to gain attention by lying.” I pat his hand. “Be happy you don’t have to worry about that with me.”

“I guess so.” He chuckles and then leans back in his chair. “You know, Professor, it’s shocking you’re single.”

“Oh?” I ask as I place the back of my hand under my chin. “After my story, do I seem like quite the catch?”

“You do,” he says, sounding more serious than I expected.

Trying not to get caught up in it, I say, “Well, keep that in mind while you’re trying to hook me up with someone that’s not a Tomothy and more of an Ezra.”

“I don’t know…after that story, I might have to get you back.”

“Vindictive behavior is very unbecoming, Hardy.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He leans his forearms on the table. “Seriously, though, why are you single?”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I don’t understand. You’re clearly a good time, you’re beautiful, you’re so easy to talk to. To spend time with. You’re hardworking, driven…well, that seems like a catch to me. If Hudson wasn’t so caught up in his own world, I’d suggest he look this way, but I know that will only end up in disappointment. When his mind is set on something, he doesn’t let it go. So…why are you single?”

I’m sorry. I’m still trying to catch my breath after he called me beautiful.

“Uh…” I say, inwardly squealing, but trying to remain calm. “I don’t know. Maybe I look for the wrong kind of guys.”

Hardy being case in point.

“Well, I’m determined now to find someone worthy.”

“Determined, huh?” I ask. “And all it took was a lie about you having sloppy kisses. Wow, I should have said that months ago.”

He chuckles. “You can only learn from your mistakes, Everly, and move on from there.”

“Noted.”

Everly: I think I’m in love.

Ember: Dear God, Everly.

Everly: I know. I’m sorry. I really am, but let me just get this off my chest.

Ember: Fine…go…

Everly: He’s everything. Oh my God. He’s so funny and sweet and he understands my sense of humor, and even though he likes to dip his pineapple pizza in barbeque sauce, I can look past that because he has the best smile ever. And he got my car cleaned and it’s never looked better.

Ember: What the hell happened in the last few days?

Everly:Love was blasted in the air, that’s what happened.

Ember: You know, you were never this lovesick when we were young, but I think being in the wedding planning business has changed you. When have you ever fawned over a man like this? Seeing others in love is starting to make you insane.

Everly:Perhaps, but ughhhhhh, are we sure I can’t sabotage the whole undercover bridesmaid thing, show him how perfect I am for him instead?

Ember: Everly…

Everly:I know…I know. Ugh, okay. I just had to get that off my chest. Everything is fine now. I’m moving on.

Ember: Good, now how do you plan on doing that?

Everly: Showing up at Hardy’s office, naked, offering him my body.

Ember: EVERLY!

Everly:I’m kidding…partially.

Ember: Do I need to be concerned about you?

Everly: I want to say no…but maybe be on standby.

Ember: Good God.