Broken Bad Boy

PERCIE

Call me coward, an idiot, but after watching Remy's lifeless body, fighting for his life for the choice he made, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to go away.

Since the doctor said that Remy would pull it through, I was beyond relieved that I didn't have to carry the guilt with me for the rest of my life. It hurt as fuck as I walked out of his room while he was still unconscious. I just wished I could say something to him before I left, but on the other thought, it would just make it difficult for me.

When someone said to me right now that everything happened for a reason, I already punched him in the face. If the reason for losing Emma was finding Remy, it was bullshit a fucking cruel twist of fate. Why the fuck they both had to suffer? Why did I have to watch them suffer? It felt like a deja vu, all over again. I couldn't think about them without that horrible image of Emma and Remy lying in the hospital bed. "Percie?" I snapped out of my misery to another misery in front of me.

"Yeah." I sat straight. My chest was as heavy as a thousand tons.

"You mentioned that you blamed yourself for all the people you cared about's suffering. Why is that?"

"You know why." I glanced at her quickly before I averted my gaze to the flowers at the corner of her room. Grandpa said she was the best in town-Dr. Reed.

"Do you like flowers, Percie?"

"How does it help me?"

"Healing takes time, Percie. It's a process, maybe a long process. And it depends on you if you wanna help yourself heal fast."

"For more than a year, I figured."

That's right. Healing doesn't happen overnight, Percie. I am here to help you help yourself get through that process. If you won't open up and talk to me, I couldn't help you."

Of course, Grandpa paid you to do your job. "Did you lose someone you love?"

"Yes. It also took time for me to heal. She's my sister. She left me a child. But the session is not about me."

I dropped my gaze to my hands on my lap. I toyed the bracelet around my wrist. "My girlfriend, Hailey. She loves flowers. Her middle name reminds me of those flowers. Calla lilies. Emma loved lilies as well." "That's great. Sometimes, we see the people we lost in other people or even things. Sometimes, we tend to hold on to that thought to relive them or those memories and tend to forget the real issues of loss, Percie." "You mean I relive my dead sister on my girlfriend because they love the same flowers?" I narrowed at her.

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I rose from my seat. My anger started boiling.

"It's okay. Missing someone we cared about is normal. It won't be if we don't. You don't have to feel guilty."

"I don't feel guilty. I'm not guilty." I glared at her, still in the same position, her leg crossed over the other. Thinking of Emma while I kiss Hailey was just gross. I flinched. Jesus. "Hailey is not Emma. Emma is dead." "See? You now can see the difference. You both love two different women in your life. You're able to start accepting the truth about your loss."

I slumped my ass back down the very comfortable sofa.

She's good. I give her that.

"You're feeling the pain, and that's a part of being a human. You have emotions, and you are still grieving."

Feeling distraught, I met her gaze. "Why do those people I care about tend to get hurt when they're with me. Do you believe in jinx?"

She shook her head. "I don't. People get hurt because of the choices they make. It's not on you. You can't control how they live their lives. You can't and shouldn't choose for them. What you can do is, tell them how you feel about it." "What if it was too late to tell them how I feel about it?"

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"Then all you can do is be with them, make them feel better, make them realize that it's okay to make a poor choice once in a while. Your presence is more important to those who care about you, Percie."

***

I went to the hospital to check on Remy. Two days ago, I turned off my phone. I knew Hailey would be mad at me for my decision, and I might get my Grands worried as well. But I had to get away for a while. I felt suffocated with what was going on in my life. All I needed was to be better for myself and for those people that I loved.

In my heart, I knew I wasn't doing any better. I was going down the road of depression. I started losing hope again. I started losing my path. I blamed myself constantly for something I couldn't control.

The pain was constant in this life. That was how I thought. But I didn't want to watch my life slipping through my fingers. So as my family, my friends, and Hailey.

Sneaking in wasn't exactly the best idea, but I didn't want to bump into my friends or someone I knew. Considering my experience in the hospital didn't help me a bit. But I promised never to abandon a friend. Still, guilt seeped through me for not communicating with any of them.

I met the nurse assigned to Remy in the hallway. "How's he?"

"He's recovering well." She smiled in assurance.

I nodded and smiled back in relief. "Thank you."

Rubbing the back of my neck, I felt torn between backing out and peeping through the small glass window on the door to have a glimpse of Remy. Unfortunately, the latter won out. I let go a shaky breath, squeezed the knob, and pushed the door slightly. I slipped my head in the small opening.

I froze in my position. My breathing held.

I blinked a few times, assuming my imagination or what I saw was playing tricks on me.

My heart sunk.

I felt like someone just threw a bucket of ice water into my face. I felt like my world just pulled under my feet, and I fell into the abyss of darkness.

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Feeling like I swallowed shards of broken glass down my throat, I stepped back, grasping the wall as I felt I was about to fall. Someone grabbed my arm before I dropped down the floor.

Jerking that hand off of me, I walked away.

My eyes blurred.

My mind went blank.

I ignored murmurs and buzzes of my name behind me. I was beyond heartbroken if I still had the heart to get broken.

I'd had suffered through my fair share of pain, loss, and suffering. But today, there was no worse pain than watching the love of my life in the arms of another man.

"You okay?" Someone asked me.

I stared at him in shock. "Huh?"

"Percie, right?"

I swallowed again. "Yeah."

"Is my son okay?"

Oh, the motherfucker. "Better than okay." I leaned against my car as I felt lightheaded. How did I get in here? I had no idea. Tears filled my eyes.

My shoulders shook as I cried out the pain in my chest. I didn't know if the whole world was conspiring against me, or I just didn't have a chance to be happy.

I dialed a number on my speed dial. "I wanna come home."