Broken Hero

“You’re right, he has no business in here. Unlike me…” I pull the door shut behind me and reach for her. She smells like some sort of herb, all lemony and fresh and sweet.

Lucy smiles up at me and it’s the best antidote to my troubles. All thoughts of Gavin, of my nightmare and my hand on her shoulder, all of it just disappears.

I run a hand between her shoulder-blades. “Who massages the masseuse?”

She sighs against my neck. “No one, that’s who.”

I motion for her to turn around and put my hands on her shoulders. They look large and rough against her soft neck. Gently, I knead my thumbs into her muscles.

Lucy sighs again. “God, you’re good.”

“Maybe I should fire you,” I say. “I could probably run this spa myself.”

Her laughter is husky. “I’d love to see you try.”

I pull her closer and move my hands to her front. “Don’t you think I can? One hot stone here…” I smooth past her breast. “Another here. And then one here…”

She keels over, laughing. “Oliver!”

I catch her around the waist again and smile against her lips. “It’s not a bad idea.”

“Maybe I should try it on you sometime.”

“Mmm.”

We don’t talk for a good long while after that. She finally pulls away with a small sigh, her lips swollen from my kisses, and rests her head against my shoulder. She plays with the buttons on my shirt. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.””After last night, I mean. We can talk about it if you want, or we can ignore it entirely. I’m here for you.”

I’m here for you, like you are for someone who’s sick. I swallow and school my features into a neutral expression. I know I needed help. Why was it still so hard to hear?This content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .

“Thank you,” I say against her hair. “Let’s not talk about it for now.”

“Okay.” She pulls away and smiles again, the megawatt smile that made me feel like I was staring into the sun. “I’ve had another great idea.”

“You have?”

“Yes. Your staff does a lot of manual labor. Pulling, lifting, standing… that sort of thing.”

“Yeah, they do.”

“And I know you offer health insurance, as an employer. But I was thinking… what if staff massage therapy sessions were included? Once a quarter or something? I’m not a chiropractor but I could work on tense muscles, see if postures need to be corrected. It’s important, especially when lifting and carrying stuff. It might reduce injuries.”

Her eyes are alight with excitement.

The image in my mind is terrible. I see Jack and Tim inside that small room of hers, unclad with only a towel across their waists… her hands on them, the oil and the burning oils. Hell no.

“Really?””Yes!” Her hands flit about, she’s so excited. “Lots of big companies do it. It could keep them in better physical condition in the long run, too, and reduce sick days. Happier employees mean a happier boss. Win-win.”

I shake my head. “Yeah, no, that’s not happening.”

“What do you mean? Would the expense be too much, do you think?”

“Lucy, no way in hell are my farmhands going to be nude in here. Absolutely not. Good initiative, though.” I run a hand through my hair. What was she thinking? Gavin’s words, all those weeks ago at the pub, came back to me with a vengeance. Jack’s older brother had been at that table. He hadn’t participated, but still… We weren’t taking any risks.

Lucy is just staring at me. Her face is perfectly neutral, but her eyes look unlike anything I’d seen before. She looks crushed.

Shit.”Luce, I didn’t mean that… I’m sure you’d be able to help them. But the answer’s still no.”

I don’t know what she’s thinking, and it isn’t until she takes a small step away from me that I realize she’s not disappointed.

She’s furious.

“I can’t believe you.”

“Lucy, you have to see that it’s not going to work. I’m not about to let-”

“Let? I’m so stupid. I actually thought you were different, but you’re just like everyone else here. Judgmental.”

I cross my arms. “That’s not true.”

“It’s not? Then why don’t you think it’s a good idea for me to treat the male staff? Go on. Say it to my face, I dare you.” Angry tears flood her eyes. “I’m not sure what’s worse. How angry I am at you, or how disappointed I am.”

“You’re overreacting. Lucy, it’s just not-” I break off. She’s right.

To articulate what I’m thinking would be to offend her. Fuck. I stare at her, unable to think of a single thing to say to make this better. My mind has gone blank.

The silence stretches on between us.

She grabs her bag. “Fine. Thank you for this enlightening discussion, Oliver. Good to know what you really think of me.”

The door to the spa slams behind her as she walks out.

I don’t follow.

The bike ride back to town is miserable. The wind on my face is enough to keep any tears from falling, but as soon as I reach the bakery the facade cracks. I can’t let my aunt and uncle see me like this; one look and they’ll ask me what’s wrong.

I head to Ricky’s instead and order a large ice tea. It’s not even three in the afternoon yet, and the town is quiet. I look out the window at the broad sidewalk and the trees that shade Main Street. There’s not a person in sight.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

I wish I still had my old friends, in my old apartment, in my old life.

I take a sip of the sweet, cold drink and sigh. I can wish all I want and it still won’t change a thing. Besides, even if I miss the comfort of that life, it was built on sand.

The thought of Oliver hurts. I thought we’d gotten somewhere together, that he’d opened up with me. That we’d gotten closer to something real. I felt like he had seen me, the real me, in a way that no one really ever had.

I was wrong, though. It seemed like he didn’t really know me at all. I could still see the refusal in his eyes and hear his astonished laughter.