Ex-Husband's Regret

Dead love Rowan

Today we were having our monthly get together. The Woods and the Sharps have made this a

tradition since I was about five years old.

Our families have always been close. Mainly because our mother’s have been best of friends since

they were little girls.

It made logical sense that their children would end up being best friends too and that both

families would be close.

“Dad, why are you driving so slow? You’re going to make us miss grandpa’s barbecue stake” Noah

complains, his brows pulled together in irritation.

If it wasn’t for Noah, I wouldn’t even have gone. I used to love them. Especially when I knew that

Ava wasn’t going to be around. When I knew that she wasn’t invited.

I used to think it was the only place I could escape her. That being in a room where everyone

except Noah hated her guts was the best place to be.

Now though, it doesn’t fucking feel like that anymore. Instead I hate myself and the rest for the

pain we have put her through.

“I’m going as fast as I can“I answer him.

“No, you’re not. You’re driving slower than a ninety year old grandma!” He huffs in annoyance.

Did I just get fried by an eight year old boy? I shake my head and chuckle before increasing the

speed just a little bit.

The moment silence reigns in the car, my mind immediately goes to Ava.

She looked fucking radiant when she opened the door for me.

To me she looked like a damn fertility goddess in a white flowing dress, long curled thick hair, her

small baby bump and her beautiful flawless skin.

I was shocked by my reaction when I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and lock

ourselves in her bedroom for hours.

This reaction to her is something that has never happened before and it took me by surprise.

I haven’t been able to think about anything or anyone except for her. She’s stuck on my mind and

nothing I do distracts me from thoughts of her.

It fucking scares me how obsessed I am with her. It’s not once or twice that I found myself

wondering what she’s up to. Whether she’s eaten or not. Or whether she’s getting enough sleep. I

keep wondering if I should hire someone to help her around the house.

Those thoughts shake me to my core. I’ve never been one to take on more when it comes to Ava.

Now, the need to take care of her is almost consuming and it’s wrecking havoc inside me.

“Dad?” Noah calls.

“What?”

“We are here”

I had not realized that we were already parked outside my parent’s house. I don’t know how we

fucking got here. I was so lost in my mind that I had been driving mindlessly.

I know how fucking dangerous that is. Especially when I have Noah in the car with me, but I just

can’t help myself. Thoughts of Ava keep consuming me.

“Come on, I’m sure your grandpa has saved some stake for you” I say just so I can push the

awkward atmosphere away. 3

“Are you okay dad?” He asks instead of getting out of the car.

I didn’t like that I was worrying him. I also couldn’t tell him my current problem was in the form

of his beautiful mother.

“Yes. I just have a lot on my mind, but it’s nothing to worry about”

He nods his head and unbuckles his seatbelt. We get out at the same time.

Locking the car, we walk towards the house. The door opens before we can get to it.

“Ma!” Noah shouts before running to her.

“I’ve missed you my Noah”

She bends down and catches him as his body collides with hers.

It has always been obvious that Kate and James love Noah despite what happened with Ava

Everyone loves Noah, we just didn’t love Ava because of the sin we thought she had committed

against me and Emma,

“Where’s your mom? I sent her an invite” She asks, straightening and looking behind us.

“Oh, she’s not coming,” Noah informs her. “She went to visit grandma Nora and grandpa Theo. She was excited. We didn’t get to see them last week because they were on a business trip”

Noah doesn’t seem to notice, but I do.

I see the moment Kate’s face falls. The moment pain flashes in her eyes. This has to be painful for her knowing that Ava was building a relationship with her biological parents and that no matter what she tries, she will never have a close relationship with Ava.

She had burned her bridges. Hurt Ava too much for her to forgive and accept her. Ava wanted nothing to do with the Sharps or the Woods.

The reason I was even still in her life was because I was Noah’s dad and also because I was being

forceful. Otherwise, she would have tossed me in the cold like she has done with the rest.

“Maybe next time then” Kate gives him a sad smile.

She was on the brink of tears. About to lose it. Noah didn’t know the drama that was going on. I

couldn’t let him see his grandma breakdown in front of him. He will start to question things and

once he finds out the truth of how Ava has been treated, he will blow.

Noah was loyal to his mom above anyone else. If he finds out how cruel we’ve been to Ava, we will

instantly be considered his enemies and he will cut us off.

“Let’s go…I’m sure the rest are waiting for us” I walk towards them and gently push them inside

the house.

Kate excuses herself and goes to the bathroom while Noah and I move to the backyard.

I internally groan when I realize everyone has shown up. Noah runs ahead leaving me back.

He greets everyone except Emma. He doesn’t even spare her a fucking glance. He doesn’t like her

and he isn’t afraid of showing it.

“So glad you’re finally here son” my dad claps me on the back.

He knows it irritates me when he does that, but he still does it.

“Yes” I mumbled already wanting this whole thing to be over and done with.

“You sure sound excited being around family” Gabe says sarcastically.

I glare at him. He doesn’t even flinch. Maybe it’s because he is my twin, but he is the only one who

doesn’t cower at my glare.

“Come on, Rowan. Give me a hug” mom says smiling at me. “I’ve missed you”

I wrap one hand around her waist and hug her to me. “Missed you too”

We separate just as Kate comes back. Her eyes red and face blotchy. 1

Noah was already at the table with a plate chatting with Trevor. 4

He had invited Letty, but she declined. She didn’t want to be around people who hurt Ava.

Her friendship and loyalty to Ava was causing waves in their relationship. Trevor was so fucking

afraid of losing her since he was among those that really hurt her friend. The only things that was

standing between him and single hood was the fact that he was remorseful. 5

“Can I talk to you, Rowan” Emma’s voice penetrates my ears.

Fuck. I had not noticed her approaching me.

“There really isn’t anything to talk about” I say facing her.uh

I have been avoiding her. I was still mad as hell about all the shit she said about Noah. More than

that I just didn’t want her around me. Not when all I can think about is Ava.

I had loved the woman in front of me. Cherished her even when I was married to her sister. I was

so fucking sure there was no one else for me except Emma.

All I had wished was for her to come back. I had sworn that the moment she did and she accepted NôvelD(ram)a.ôrg owns this content.

to give me a chance, I would divorce Ava and make a life with her. 1

She’s been back for months. Yet I can’t find the love I had for her. The love that I had thought was

eternal. The love I had sworn no other woman would have.

I feel like a fool. One minute I’m professing my love for Emma and the next I don’t want her near

me. One minute I’m sure I hate Ava with all my heart and the next, I can’t stay away from her. 4/5

Everything about the two sister was doing my head in.

“Rowan..”

“What?” I snap feeling suffocated.

I see tears fill her eyes, but for some reason I just don’t give a damn anymore. Not like I used to

Without giving her another look, I turn around and walk away.

For a while I played the what if game. What if I could finally have the woman I’ve always loved? What if we got married and started a family? What if everything played out the way it was supposed to years ago?

Those questions rang in my mind for years and the weeks when Emma arrived. I thought that this was our second chance at our love, but I had been wrong. 1

Emma and I were too different right now. We would never work and even if we did get together years ago there is no guarantee that we would have been end game.

She’ll always have a part of my heart as my first love, but it was time to accept the truth. My love

for her is dead. It has probably been dead for years.