Forced by fate – Destined to be his Wife

“I managed pretty well without you lately. I can take care of myself. It’s not my home anymore. I don’t have a home.” TangShi got up, agitated with his nearness and the slight waver in her emotions with his soft words and promises. Hating that he was trying to win her round as if he did nothing at all but despising her weak heart more for being moved. His apologies were slicing away at the thick black crust that entrenched her soul and she didn’t want to weaken.

“If you want to leave Shanghai for a while, I’ll take you anywhere you want. An extended break, whatever you need.” YuZhi was trying to ignore the negatives and her pushing him away and instead focus on solutions to help her.

“I want to leave anyway, but not with you. I think maybe Linlin and I need to got for a long extended vacation when this is dealt with and I can figure out what to do with my life.” TangShi had not given it much thought, but she did like the idea of not being here for a while and knew Linlin would drop everything to go with her.

“Tang, please, I’m really trying here. I know you’re mad and hurt. That I fucked up and I’ll do anything to make up for it. Just don’t push me away like this. I want to fix things. I don’t want to lose you.” YuZhi stood up to follow her to the window where she was heading, holding himself back. His palms itching to reach for her and hold her close. Craving her and fighting himself to hold back.

“I’m not asking you to try. I just want to be alone to think for a while. To figure some stuff out.”

“I can figure it out with you. You don’t need to leave me to do that.” YuZhi’s voice hitched, a slight hint of desperation as panic rose in him at the thought of her going somewhere far without him, and he had to regulate his raspy breathing to remain calm. A sense of rising dread swirling form inside.

“Can you really ever touch me again? Knowing what he’s done to me? Can you promise its not what you’ll think of when you come near me or try to touch me?” TangShi turned to him, her face flushed as a single fresh tear rolled down her cheek. A slight tremor in her stomach as she waivered and her words came out in a soft calm and heartbreaking way. Truly believing she was damaged goods now and her self worth had dropped even lower..

“I…… I love you. We will get through all of this. It might not be easy at first but…”

“So, No? You can’t can you?” She cut him off, her stomach twisting.

“That’s not what I said. Of course I can touch you. You didn’t do this to us.” YuZhi stepped towards her closing the gap between them and lifted his hand automatically to wipe the tear from her face. Pausing mid air as hesitation hit hard and he faltered about whether she wanted his touch or not. Knowing he no longer had the right to reach out and do it.

TangShi stared at his midair posture and snorted, a strange sound that was somewhere between a laugh, a snort and a sob. Pain slicing her chest.

“Yeah, looks like it.” She pushed his arm away with a shove at his elbow, marching past him to walk away from his suffocating presence and gasped as she was yanked backwards into his arms. YuZhi hugged her from behind in a vice like grip, burying his face in the nape of her neck and wrapping her up so tight she couldn’t catch her breath. Enveloping her with need and pouring his soul into this touch he needed so badly for so long.

“That’s not why I stopped. I wasn’t sure if you would let me touch you.” YuZhi closed his eyes, inhaling her unique scent and sinking into the warm familiar feel of her, highlighting with acute pain just how much he had missed her. His heart swelling with an ache that threatened to suffocate him, and he knew he would have to use all his willpower to let her go again. This was his home, right here, wrapped up with her wherever she went.

TangShi stood frozen and unresponsive. Not moving a muscle and not reciprocating his touch. An inner anger and heartache swirling together so her body recoiled inwardly at his familiar presence, and she flashed back to standing in his office when he told her didn’t love her anymore. Her hand throbbing at the memory of his cruel removal of her ring before he pushed her down. Choking her up and pushing a pain back to the forefront that she had managed to simmer down low the past couple of days. Despite longing for this, she couldn’t stand it.

TangShi caught his wrists harshly and shoved him off with all the strength she could muster, tears filling her eyes as the agony grew outwards and upwards and her body felt like it was pulsating. Shirking him off as though his touch sliced and moving away fast to get the burning feel of his touch off her skin. Wanting to hate him rather than submit to him.

“I don’t want you to touch me. Go home. Leave me alone. You said we were done, that you didn’t love me. You told me to get out of your life. So why are you here? Because the story changed, and you realized I was never that person? You should have known that from the start!” TangShi turned on him, the damn breaking loose and the tears cascading down like a waterfall as the words rambled out in a hysterical way. Gasping for breath and unable to control the tidal wave he brought out of her. YuZhi’s face crumpled.

“I didn’t mean it, baby. I was in pain and ……. I was heartbroken and lashing out. I should have known, you’re right. I always thought I could be objective and rational with most things in life but…. my mom, Tang, she taught me that sometimes true love can be screwed up and you betray the one you love most in a moment of weakness. Didn’t I do the same with Rhea? I fell in love with someone else while I was meant to love her. I admit it…. I have insecurities, I have doubts and they colored how I saw all of this. I stupidly let those blind me from what I knew about you in my heart, and I pushed you away and hurt you.”

TangShi cried openly, knowing in her heart she too had doubted herself and what she’d done that night and she could understand why he thought it too. She had accepted blame and in turn given him more reason to doubt her. It didn’t change how cruelly he had treated her, or the way he abandoned her when she needed him though and those were the things she wasn’t ready to forgive.

“How can I trust you to ever be there for me again?” She whimpered, shuddering as she tried to take calming breaths to control the cascading tears. Holding her heart which was swelling to bursting point in her chest.

“Because I learned a lesson from this, and I’ll never doubt you again. Just give me a chance.”Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

“I don’t know …. I…” TangShi gripped her head and raked her fingers against her skull, unable to think clearly anymore when confused and consumed by grief His presence making everything tumble down so that she no longer knew how to feel.

The doorbell chime rang loud and clear and interrupted them, cutting the conversation short. Both spinning their heads towards the main hall and TangShi knew she had to pull herself together to face the Detective.

“I’ll get it, sit.” YuZhi caught her wrist as she started to move that way and lifted his other to wipe tears from her cheek with his thumb, pulling her close for a second so she held her breath. So naturally it made her flinch and stare at him in wide eyed surprise. “I’m still your husband. Whether you like me or not. You can push, but I’m not leaving you again. I know you love me, and you need to know I still love as crazily as I did. That I’m sorry and I won’t stop making up for this. I’m not going anywhere without you.” He let go of her and ran his hand over her head and down her hair with a gentle touch. The way he always did, and she turned her face away so he wouldn’t see how her expression crumpled and new tears broke free. Such a simple affectionate gesture that reminded her of how safe and warm a world with him was. Grinding her down.

TangShi didn’t answer but walked off to pick up the tissue box and sit down where she was. Leaving him to go let the Detective in and tried to pull herself together. Pushing thoughts aside of her and YuZhi and focusing on the one task she had to get through today because it was the least agonizing. The start of the mess that was about to come into her life. Deep down she knew that everything may have felt like a nightmare so far, but the reality was that hell was about to break loose after today and she should brace herself for what was coming.