Forced by fate – Destined to be his Wife

“What about pancakes, American style? I know a place and I have such a craving for crispy bacon and maple syrup!” Linlin was bright and energetic this morning. Finally getting some quality alone time with TangShi now that YuZhi was back at work and life was calming down enough to resume a normal routine. TangShi was getting to grips with her morning sickness thanks to some herbal medications from Doctor Huang and she seemed to be doing better emotionally too.

“Hmmm. Nothing too strong tasting. I can only eat bland right now. And nothing smelly.” TangShi slid into Linlin’s car, checking her phone and smiling at yet another text message from YuZhi asking her if she was okay. He had been checking in hourly for the last few days whenever he had to go to work, remorseful for not being able to keep accompanying her at home. Acting like the world’s most overprotective boyfriend who would have her wrapped in cotton wool and kept in a glass cabinet if he had his way. He had taken the pregnancy news better than TangShi and had started treating her like fine crystal.

“Turn your cell off if all you are going to do all morning is text your fiancée. I swear you only saw him an hour ago and this is the fifth text from him.” Linlin eyerolled, pulling on her seatbelt and slapped TangShi’s hand when she went to lift her phone again rather than put her safety belt on. Warning her with a flashing scowl.

“Who said it was him?” TangShi feigned innocence, blushing at being caught and then dodged away as Linlin poked her right between the eyebrows.

“Your expression did! You two have gone back to the overly vomit inducing honeymoon stage and it’s really weird. Y’all like hated one another over a week ago and now it’s all love hearts and morning kisses.” Linlin batted at her hands again and ended up pulling her belt over for her as TangShi chose to reply to him instead and got herself another poke in the face. This time in her cheek.

“We’re not back together yet, not properly.” TangShi ignored her fussing but let her clip her in and sent back a ‘on the road for pancakes.’ text to him. He already knew Linlin was taking her out for some air and food after being cooped in all week. Encouraging her to spend time with her friend, although they refused the driver or bodyguard he had installed at the apartment for when he wasn’t home. Linlin preferred to not have big burly men with them for girl’s time.

“Sleeping in one bed. Cuddling up, kissing…. talking about your wedding and your future? I think that’s being back together, don’t you?” Linlin sighed and got them on their way. Eyeing her up with a ‘not buying it’ expression and smirk.

“We’re not having sex.” TangShi shrugged, her face flaming with heat at saying it loud. “I still can’t bring myself to…. So we’re not properly together again.”

“Your tests were all clear. There’s physically no reason not to get it on again. It won’t hurt the baby either if you guys are careful.” Linlin knew this was an emotional hurdle for TangShi, even though she couldn’t remember what Rong did to her that night. She still had all the signs of PTSD that assault cases listed and had begun having lucid nightmares that kept trying to fill in the gaps with the worst-case scenarios. “There’s nothing stopping you from rekindling all areas of your relationship. I mean, we’ve forgiven him. It might help you heal fully.”

“I know…. it’s psychological and yes, I forgive him because I understand why he was like that, but I just can’t. YuZhi keeps asking if I want to see a therapist or some kind of counsellor to help us move past this. I just want to get used to this. I don’t think I can have him touch me that way while I think that someone else’s baby is growing in here. It feels wrong and dirty somehow. Every time we get close to passion, I freeze up and get this horrible suffocating feeling that we’re doing wrong.” TangShi pointed down at her belly. Most days she could ignore its existence and pretend everything was okay, but some days she wanted to stay in bed all day and cry. Her emotions had been all over the place while trying to find mental peace about this baby and she wasn’t there yet. She knew if it had been definitely YuZhi’s she would have bene happy and embraced it, but the doubt was killing her.

“Maybe counselling isn’t such a bad idea. What happened was traumatic, even if you have no memories and it might help you accept the pregnancy. I can’t imagine how vulnerable you felt or waking up not knowing what had gone on for those eight hours. I think I would go crazy…. you are handling it way better than I could.” Linlin leaned over and squeezed her friends thigh with reassurance, her eyes misting over as she empathized with a heavy heart and wished she could take TangShi’s pain for her.

“Can we drop this. I’ll just get upset and start crying… please….. Talk about something else. Tell me about you and ZhengLi. How are things going since you started dating again? You haven’t really talked about him and always focus on my mess and me.” TangShi, move din her seat to find a comfier position, avoiding eye contact as she composed the swell of painful emotions that had threatened to rise, and Linlin took the hint.

“My drama is boring and unimportant compared to what you have going on. I don’t want to seem shallow and bore you with the details of my sad love life.” Linlin had been evasive for the past weeks about ZhengLi, quietly simmering since they started seeing each other again and she knew it was mostly her fault. Something small turning big and her gift of making everything worse.

“Why, what’s happening?” TangShi turned towards her in her seat, shifting to eyeball her while she drove, sensing the low mood and monotone hint in her voice. Suddenly alert with a sense of unhappiness in her friend. Linlin exhaled heavily with an exaggerated blowing out of air and shook her head. Pulling on her ‘I don’t care’ attitude but not as convincing as normal.

“I hate him.” She wiped one eye with the back of her hand as a stray tear rolled out unexpectedly and then threw a self-depreciating smile on her face and shrugged at her friend. Surprised at her own stupid reaction from three little words. “He has me so messed up and hopeless that I can’t ever function when we fight or don’t see each other. It’s really unhealthy to be this hung up over a man and yet I can’t help it.”

“Why are you fighting again? Please, don’t say it’s because of me still? I thought you guys had that all sorted out.” TangShi stared at her in wide eyed alarm, guilt seeping in that this was her fault but Linlin shook her head.

“It’s me. It’s all me. I’m so stupid, and jealous, and insecure, because I honestly feel like I can never read him. He’s so infuriatingly cool and laid back when it comes to love and dating and half the time I don’t even know if he likes me, so I start thinking crazy things. He puts up with my mental self as though it’s amusing, but nothing seems to really rile him. I feel like he’s only half invested in me.”

“Are you crazy? ZhengLi is mad on you. He follows you around like a puppy dog when you’re together and he always makes a beeline right for you whenever you end up in the same place accidently. It’s obvious to everyone he adores you. You can see it with your eyes shut. What are you talking about?” TangShi blinked at her in surprise, shocked that Linlin really couldn’t see how much ZhengLi idolized her. To her, it was clear as day. ZhengLi from the first time he ever met her was hung up on her and pursued her like crazy.

“I think there’s another woman…. He played it off like nothing but I saw her. More than once. She’s my complete polar opposite in everyway and yet that’s twice now I was out and happened to see him with her when he said he had family things to deal with.” Linlin’s face crumpled and another tear pushed its way out despite her stubborn wiping, and gritting of teeth, refusing to let herself break. Broken hearted anytime she pictured him sitting across from her at a dinner table in a five-star restaurant two days ago.

“Who did he say she was? What did he say about meeting her? I need details before I hate him too.” TangShi was getting riled on Linlin’s behalf, real anger spiking in her belly and warming her veins. Ruffling her feathers and pushing her to forget her own woes.Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

“I haven’t exactly questioned it head on. I sort of told him I saw him out with a girl for dinner, as though I didn’t care….. he said it was family stuff and to ignore it. He played it off so coolly and I’ve been too scared to tell him I saw her with him again. She’s really beautiful and tall and elegant. Nothing like me. She looked rich, too rich, like pearls and formal gowns for breakfast rich. I don’t know what to do if he’s started dating other people after telling me we wouldn’t. I mean we broke up, right? When you and …. Maybe in his head we’re not serious anymore and he’s just dating me and others again since we started over.” Linlin was so confused about this scenario and screwed her eyes up in the rear-view mirror to wipe away her make up that was beginning to run. Tired of feeling shitty over second guessing ZhengLi these past few days. Noticing a black car behind them that seemed to be too close and sped up a little. It pulled her out of her own misery with a sense of outrage at idiot drivers who tried to bully you to go faster as it sped up too. Completely pulling her attention as they veered left to change to a turn off lane.

“Uh Uh. I don’t believe it. No one is as pretty or amazing as my Linnylin, and ZhengLi will lose his favorite parts if he screws you over. I’ll make YuZhi transfer him and send him to Antarctica to work where his bits will freeze over and snap off.”