IN BED WITH THE BOSS

She thought that he spoke it like a word he was unfamiliar with. “Yes, us.”

He smiled, but Vivian thought that it was a cool smile, even though he touched the tip of her nose with his lips.

“I know that we’ve been having a relationship and that it’s a very agreeable relationship.”

Very agreeable? He made it sound like a piece of classical music playing on the radio!

“I see.” Vivian said.

He wondered if she did, but in the sweet afterhaze of making love his mind had been busy. “Shall we get dressed and go and find ourselves a drink?”

If it had been anyone else, she might have thought he was searching for Dutch courage, but Scott was not the kind of man who needed alcohol to spur him on to say something, no matter how unpalatable.

She sensed that the end was coming, and that, if it was, she would face it calmly and with dignity. “I’d love a drink,” she said lightly.

He might not need courage, but she certainly did. They dressed in silence, bending to pick up discarded pieces of clothing and shaking out the creases.

Vivian was aware as she climbed into her knickers that he was not watching her, the way he usually did. Feasting his eyes on her with an unashamed appreciation as she covered her body with clothes. No, he seemed preoccupied as he zipped up his trousers and she caught him giving his wristwatch a quick glance.

“What shall we drink?” she asked, once they were downstairs. Was there still a foolish part of her that thought he might suggest champagne, as if they were celebrating together?

“A very small Scotch, please.”

She nearly asked him whether he thought he should, but thought better of it. He had already told her unequivocally that he did not want her to nurse him any more. And with her nurturing role gone, she felt oddly superfluous. She didn’t feel like drinking spirits, so she just poured herself a glass of wine and then sat down on one of the sofas, and waited. She didn’t have to wait long. The dark eyes were narrowed as they looked at her.

“Vivian, I have to go back,” he said.

“Back where?”

“Back home”

“You aren’t going straight back to work?” she questioned, alarmed.

He shook his head. So that was the measure of his work ethic, was it? That he would throw himself straight back into the thick of it when he had only regained his memory just a few hours earlier.

“Not straight away, no. I need to see a neurologist and get him to check me out.” he replied.

“And after that?”

“I haven’t decided.”

The word I had nothing to do with the word us, did it? She wanted to say, When will I see you? But if he wasn’t going to say, then neither was she going to ask. She wouldn’t beg, or plead-and she would not ask for what was not freely given.

“When will you leave?”

He glanced at his watch once more. “I guess this evening”

“Or I could drive you?”

He shook his head. “Thanks, but no, thanks. It’s sweet of you, Vivian-but I’ve imposed on you for long enough. I’ll go talk to my mom and sister first.”

Imposed? Now he sounded like a weekend guest who had overstayed his welcome!

“You’d better hurry up and pack, then,” she said, abandoning her barely touched wineglass. “I can see you off at least.”

She waited while he went upstairs and packed the clothes which she had arranged to be sent from his house. Just as she had arranged to have his mail delivered to his solicitor, in case there had been something urgent which Scott wouldn’t have been well enough to deal with. And once he had started to make headway, there had seemed no need to disturb the rare opportunity for peace and quiet.

Yet there were so many questions she had never got around to asking because she hadn’t wanted to tire him, or to add to his stress. It had never seemed the right time. She still didn’t know why he had been driving to her place when he had had that accident. She could ask him now, and if he knew then he would answer her truthfully, but suddenly she didn’t want to know. What was the point?

He came downstairs minutes later followed by his mother, suitcase in hand. She didn’t look very happy that Scott wanted to leave, but she knew her son well enough to know that when he put his mind to something, nothing and no one could stop him.

“Sara won’t be happy about this when she comes back,” she said.

“I think she’ll get over it, mom” Scott replied, “You don’t have to worry about me, mom. I assure you. I’m fine.”

“Can you please talk to him?” Felicia said to Vivian.

“His mind seems to be made up” Vivian said.

“Alright, but we’ll visit” said Felicia

“That’s fine, mom,” replied Scott. He hesitated, then turned to hug his mother. “Can you give us a moment please?” he asked her.

Felicia nodded, then reluctantly went back upstairs.

“Ready?” Vivian said brightly.

He thought about how much he owed her. “Vivian…” he began.

But she preempted him. She couldn’t bear it if he began to say stilted goodbyes-as if she were some aged old retainer who was about to retire. “Don’t say it, Scott, please-it isn’t necessary.”

“I want to thank you from-”

“Don’t say it,” she repeated angrily. “Please! I don’t need your thanks. I was pleased to do it. I would have done it for anyone.”

He nodded. Suddenly she seemed a million miles away. He could take her in his arms and kiss her better but wouldn’t that only be postponing things? He couldn’t live a jigsaw life, with one of the pieces missing. And that was how he felt right now. Something was missing.

“I should go….”

Goodbyes were always difficult, she told herself. She hoped that she would be strong enough to bite back her tears. But trying hard to stay strong didn’t please her either. As for her job at his company, she knew she wasn’t going to return. She didn’t want to. She couldn’t.

“Bye, Scott.” she said softly.

“Just come here.” He pulled her into his arms and swiftly brought his mouth down for a kiss which went on for longer than either of them had intended. It was bittersweet and unbearably beautiful and it felt like a closure. And when he reluctantly raised his head in answer to the urgent whistle of the guard, his eyes were filled with something like regret.

“I’ll call you,” he whispered. “Okay?”

When will you call me? she wanted to say, but she could not place any more burdens on his shoulders. She was not going to play jealous or needy-in fact, she wasn’t going to play anything. A relationship wasn’t a game-and if you had to make it into one in order for it to survive, then maybe it wasn’t worth keeping.

Perhaps she should make it easy for him. Tell him that there was no obligation and that she understood his need to get away. Would that show she had some pride left and ensure she would get over him more quickly? But wasn’t that just thinking about her feelings, and not his?

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing seemed right, and when she finally walked him to his car she was both relieved and sad. The moment had come. He was going, only this time it was not like a normal farewell.All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

“Goodbye, Scott,” she whispered.

He squeezed her tightly one more time and then climbed into the car and waved at her through the window, his dark eyes strangely sombre. And she stood watching the car, not moving from that spot until long after it had disappeared.

———–

After he’d gone, Vivian packed up her stuff and went into the kitchen to inform Felicia that she was leaving too. There was no need for her to stay anymore, and the longer she remained there, the more she wanted to burst into tears.

“Oh honey” Felicia said softly, “You don’t have to go now. You can stay a little longer.”

“Oh that’s very sweet, Mrs McCall” Vivian replied. “I do have a lot of stuff to catch up on. And I’m sure I will visit you and Sara sometime.”

She managed to smile. She’d grown to really like Scott’s mother, who had welcomed her into her home with open arms. Even Sara was very sweet, and it was hard to say good bye.

Felicia gave a knowing smile. “Alright” she said. There was a pause before she added, “I know that my son can be difficult sometimes but I really do hope that you won’t give up on him.… I mean…I have never seen him with any woman the way that he is with you. He needs you, Vivian, and I think you need him too. I know it’s hard, but I really do hope that you hold on to each other. “