Loving Quinn Novel by North Rose

(Quinn)

Memories of my mother’s funeral consumed my mind as I planned my father’s funeral. I contacted. The funeral home my grandmother used for my mother. My father was unfit to make those decisions back then.

The church was filled with her friends and what little family she had. The scent of her favorite flowers filled the air. I stared at her coffin as the priest gave his opening speech. My father sat beside me, but he wasn’t really there m**ly.

That was the first day he climbed into a bourbon bottle.

He was so drunk at the funeral that he could barely stand. The speech he gave was so garbled that even I had trouble understanding him and I was right beside him. They didn’t think I knew he was drunk, but I did.

His cologne was no match for the bourbon smell that clung to him.

During the graveside service, he stumbled and fell over some chairs. He got angry when people stared at him in shock. When he threw himself onto the casket I started to cry.

That was when it hit me fully that my mother was dead. I was numb until that moment. I think a part of me still believed she was only at the store and would be home any minute. Seeing my father break like that brought it to reality for me.

I cried as I packed my clothes and the one picture of my mother that I managed to save from the destruction my father created the day she died. I cried harder as my grandmother drove us out of town. Leaving my home and my father behind made my mother’s death all too real.

Now here I am back near Lake Crescent for my father’s funeral. I haven’t been back here since I

moved him to be closer to me in California. It feels weird being back here for the reason I am.

The last few days have been a blur of activity. I didn’t know the first thing about planning a funeral. Annora and Victoria helped me plan most of it. All I did was make arrangements with the funeral home here to have my father brought home.

For his headstone, I was unable to come up with an epitaph. What words would I have carved in stone to remind me of my father? Here lies Nathan Greyson, husband, father, and lover of whiskey didn’t seem appropriate.

Since he will be buried next to my mother, I decided to do a dual headstone. The one my

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grandmother bought for my mother wasn’t fancy, but it did the job. I picked the updated one with het in mind. Not something I wanted to buy for my mother but now is the time to do it.

“Are you ready?

I turn to look at Annora as she steps up beside me. Her hair is braided over her shoulder and she is wearing a charcoal gray dress. She has been my rock since the morning I got the call about my father.

We had a rough morning that day but when I told her the news, she rallied behind me. That wasn’t my intention, but she thought I was putting work above our family.

Something she now knows I will never do.

During the planning stage I realized that I am, in fact, not alone. I have a wonderful fiancé. An amazingly resilient daughter. A best friend who has graciously incorporated me into his family. since we were kids. Throughout my life, both of his parents have been there for me in more ways than I can ever repay.

Not that they would let me.

I love them just the way they are.

All of them.

ts, all her brothers,

Then there are the ones that took me by surprise. Annora’s family. Her parents,

and even her grandfather are here. Just like the Carters, the Winters family has made me one of

their own.

That humbled me..

I am not alone in this world.

Even if I am all that remains of my small family. I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins to call on. Both of my parents were only children. My paternal grandparents died when my father was sixteen. My maternal grandfather died when I was a baby.

That left just my parents, grandmother, and me.

Through my best friend and my fiancé, I have gained more family than I know how to handle.

I glance at the door that will take me into the viewing room. Something close to panic flutters in my heart. I am not ready for this.

With a shake of my head, I walk to a chair and sit down. I feel like something deep inside slipping away. A part of my past that I hated at the time but shaped me into who I am today.

My father is dead.

is

He is in the room beyond that door in a coffin I picked out. It is a pleasant shade of brown that reminds me of the bourbon he loved so much. Yes, that was petty of me, but I don’t really care. The suit Victoria picked for him was an elegant black suit.

Going into that room where he is waiting feels like I will lose that last part of the child in me. The last threat to a part of my life that was both bitter and sweet. A part I am not ready to let go of.

Nathan Greyson was not always a drunk. I miss the days that he would join me outside to toss a football or throw a baseball back and forth. I miss the nights we would camp out in the backyard. under the tree in our backyard. The sound of my mother’s voice calling us in for dinner and the way we raced to the bathroom to wash our hands.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I remember all the times he was such a loving father.

My father is dead, and I am not ready to say goodbye.

Delaying it like I am will not make it any less real. I swipe a finger across my cheek then stand up from the chair. Annora holds her hand out to me and I take it. I need her like I need air right now.

“I am right here with you, Quinn. You are not alone.”

Those words mean more to me than she realizes. I know that later tonight when we are alone in our room at her grandfather’s house, I will break. Knowing I won’t have to do this alone means

everything to me.

“Let’s get this over with.”

I open the door then walk to the front row of seats designated for immediate family. Grace is sitting there with Aaron since I consider him my brother. Once we take our seats, I nod to the preacher to begin.

After the first ten minutes of his speech, I zoned out. All I can feel is Annie’s hand in mine. I am

numb.

When Annie nudges my ribs, I look over at her.

“It is time for you to give his eulogy,” she whispers in my ear.

Great. The part I have dreaded the most. A speech about a man’s life who couldn’t stand looking

at me after my mother died.

With a sigh, I stand up and walk to the podium. Looking at the faces in the room makes me realize that only a handful of them even knew him. That makes me angry at him in a way I

haven’t been in years.

“Nathan Greyson was a good man. He lost his way when his wife died. She was the heart and soul of our family. Now they are together at last. I will remember all the good times we had as a family of three. Rest in peace, papa.”

It was short but on point. If I added any more it would have turned to the ugly side of him. The side that made him forget he had a son until those very rare times he was sober.

No one here needs to be reminded of what my father became.

I will never forget it.

After taking my seat again I gently grab Annora’s hand. She squeezes my hand as I watch the preacher walk back up to the podium.

He said a few more words then announces that we’ll be moving to the cemetery shortly. I am not ready for that part but laying my father to rest next to my mother will be my final gift to them

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It is time to say goodbye.

I am not ready.

This goodbye came so unexpectedly. So suddenly. I was not prepared to do this so soon after our last visit. Had I known that day would have been the last I would see my father alive, lucid, and

proud of me, I would have stayed longer.

(Later that night)

Hours after the funeral I am sitting on the edge of the bed staring down at the picture in my hand. It is one of the few possessions I boxed up from my father’s room at the care facility. In the picture my mother is smiling up at my father while his hand is cupped over her very pregnant belly.

I had never seen this picture before. It was tucked between the pages of the family Bible. I didn’t even know he still had it. I learned so much about my father while packing up his room.

When I first moved him to California, he was already in a care facility here at home. All his possessions were already packed and in storage so all I needed to do was have them shipped to California. I had no idea he had so much stuff left over from our old house.

I brought this picture with me today because I wanted to use it at the funeral to show people who my father once was. The loving husband. The happy father to be.

At the last minute I decided that I wanted to keep that image for me.

As 1 stare at the picture of the happy couple all I can think of is what my life would have been like if my mother hadn’t died in that accident. Would I have a sibling or two? Would they both have been there at my high school graduation? What would my mother have said when I signed up for the Army?

I have always thought she would have been proud of me for serving my country.

I know I signed up to get away from him and her ghost, but I always wanted him to be proud of me too. On that last visit with him I finally knew that he was. My father was proud of my service, and he was proud of what I was doing with the company I created with Aaron.

My father was proud of me.

That thought breaks the d**n on my emotions. I drop the picture on the bed then put my head in my hands as I feel a wave of grief wash over me. Soon I slide to the floor as grief overtakes me.

I am not sure how long I sat there crying for my father, for my mother, and for all the things I wish I could have said but didn’t.

The feel of Annora’s arms around my shoulders makes me lift my head. When did she come in? How long has she been here with me, and I was unaware of it?

“Shhh, I got you, Quinn. Let it out. We can talk about whatever you need to whenever you are ready. I am not going anywhere.”

“Where is Grace?”

‘Grandpa took her night fishing with my dad.”

That brought another long-buried memory surface.

“The first time my dad took me night fishing I was six years old. My mother had a fit because she didn’t want us to go at night. She was worried about all the things that could happen.”

After climbing up on the bed, I settle back on the headboard. Annie snuggles next to me without saying a word. Once we are both comfortable, I continue to talk.

“Turns out she was right to worry. I was scared to be outside at night alone but felt invincible with my father beside me. That got us both into trouble when we got home later.”

I lift my hand to show her the tiny scar at the base of my thumb. It is so small that if I didn’t know it was there no one else would either. Not unless they knew where to look.

“We were out there for almost an hour when he had the brilliant idea to have the six-year-old bait the h**mb.”

For the first time in days, I laughed at the memory. It felt good to laugh at a happy memory. Knowing I am still capable of remembering him in a positive light lets me know my love for my father never faded.

“My mother was p***ed when we came home. My thumb was wrapped in a towel because it bled profusely at first. It had stopped by the time we walked up the front walkway. She took me into the bathroom to clean it then once I was in bed, I could hear her yelling at him.”

Later that night I heard more than my six-year-old brain understood at the time, but my adult. brain does now. He made it up to her. She wasn’t as mad in the morning.

“They loved each other so much. He was equally devoted to her as she was to him. Having that kind of love now makes me understand my father a lot more.”

“Hey, I am not going anywhere. You are stuck with me for life.”

“If anything were to ever happen to you or Grace, I am not sure what I would do. I was a mess

that ** took her.”

who

Annie sits up then straddles my lap. She puts her hands on my cheeks to make me look at her. She kisses me softly.

“Grace is safe and happy because of you. Let’s not talk about it anymore until we have to deal

with Dionne. You are a fantastic father.”

The two of you are precious to me,

precious to me, and I do not want to lose you.

“We don’t know what the future holds for us. I can tell you that I have no intention of ever

leaving you. Besides, I am pretty sure that you and I will be making Grace a big sister soon.”

1 look at her as she sits on my lap with a smile on her face.

A baby?

“I haven’t taken a test yet, but I have been feeling off for the last few weeks. I am late and I am never late.”

I wrap my arms around her then hug her gently.

She laughs. “Don’t get too excited just yet. It could be the stress of everything we have been dealing

I don’t let her finish that statement as I fuse me mouth to hers.

We are going to have a baby!