Loving You Too Long

“Dean?” the man asked with a soft chuckle.

Haisley nodded. “Yes, Dean,” she said, still smiling.

“You don’t love him,” Nathan said coldly. “A woman can’t do that unless it’s with a man she loves,” he continued with a mocking smile.

Haisley shrugged, her face still smiling. “You said if it’s not done with love, it’s called sex. So, Dean and I can do that because even if I don’t love him, he loves me,” she continued. “You also do it without feeling love for me, Nath. So, I’m sure I can do it too,” she added. Haisley then chuckled. “If I had known the pleasure from earlier, I would have gladly accepted Dean’s proposal from the other day.” She laughed again.

“What does that mean?” Nathaniel asked with narrowed eyes.

Haisley shrugged. “It doesn’t mean anything. Dean just said he loves me. And he wants to be with me. You know, he said he could be your replacement,” she said again. “And although I reluctantly admit it, Dean is the best option I have right now.”

Nathan stood up instantly and stared at Haisley with a cold gaze. “What does that mean?” he asked again like a parrot.

Haisley also stood up, though still swaying. She shook her head to dispel the dizziness. She was sure that she wasn’t really drunk, even though she knew alcohol was one of the triggers for why she did all this. All the cheap actions she did in front of Nathan.

She knew that alcohol was also what made her brave enough to challenge Nathan with a confrontational attitude.

Haisley was on the verge of sanity. And because she was standing on the edge of the cliff, she thought there was no harm in throwing herself into it. Whether she would be safe or not, she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t confident that she would have the opportunity to defend her dignity at another time.

“Dean, he asked me to marry him. You know?” Haisley said with a flat tone but with a smile still lingering on her face. “Previously, I suspected that I still had hope to be with you. Hope that someday you would open your eyes and allow me to fill your heart. Hope that someday you would love me.

But then Loretta’s presence slapped me in the face.” Haisley looked at Nathan sadly. She tilted her head to ward off the tears that were about to fall. “She’s so perfect.” She praised sincerely. “A real angel. She’s beautiful, she’s kind, and more than that, she loves you. And I understand, she can replace the figure of Crystal in your heart.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

“But still,” Haisley touched her left chest. “It hurts here.” She whispered.

“I forced myself. Convinced myself with the hope that this would all just be temporary. That Loretta wouldn’t be your final harbor.

But when Gilbert revealed the truth. About you and your engagement. Finally, I understood. There will never be a Haisley in Nathan’s life. The palace I built with our dreams and hopes of being together someday finally crumbled.” Haisley’s voice trembled. “Boom, it disappeared just like that.” She said with a sad laugh. She could feel her own body shivering as she heard the words coming out of her own mouth. Something she had always denied but in the end had to admit was the reality she faced.

Nathan looked at Haisley with a furrowed brow. The man was clearly confused. One moment Haisley seemed so passionate with his touch, and now she was looking at him with a sad gaze as if about to say farewell.

“I worked hard, fought for a chance. Made you fall in love. Without realizing, that from the beginning, I should never have done that.”

“Tapi penyesalan tidak pernah ada di awal, bukan begitu?” she asked sadly. “I love you, Nath. Very much.” She admitted honestly. “But I can’t endure just with that feeling. My mouth says I’ve stopped loving, but my heart hasn’t. In fact, I still envy you and Loretta. In reality, I still cry for you every night when I’m alone.

“I’m tired, Nath. And I want to stop.

“I reject everyone who comes to me for you,” she said. “I reject all the love and attention they offer because I’m waiting for you. But not anymore.” Haisley shook her head. She also saw Nathan shaking his head, and she didn’t know why. “I will try,” she said with a smile that reappeared on her face. “I will try to accept Dean and love him.” Nathan widened his eyes upon hearing that name mentioned. “I will give the love I should have given to you to him. Because he, all this time, has given the love I truly wanted from you.

“Dean gave it sincerely to me without forcing me to reciprocate his feelings. And now it’s time for me to reciprocate. It’s time for me to welcome him.”

“You can’t do it,” Nathan retorted coldly. His gaze was piercing. Nathan shook his head, refusing to accept Haisley’s words into his mind. “You can’t force your feelings like that. That’s foolish,” he continued with sarcasm.

Haisley shook her head again. “I can,” she said, more convincing herself. “I can because I am foolish. As foolish as I used to hope for you, in the past.” She emphasized the last word. “Back then, I was foolish. But not anymore,” she said with a laugh. “Besides, Dean is better than you.”

Nathan snorted. “Better in what?” he challenged.

Haisley groped for something to hold onto to alleviate her dizziness. She chose to sit on the sofa without diverting her attention from Nathan. “You know, Dean is handsome. Even much more handsome than a Nathaniel Chayton. He’s also wealthy, just like you. He’s a gentle and caring man. He’s a very understanding person,” she said with a smile still on her face. “And he also has a heart, which you don’t have.” Haisley said sadly. “And more importantly, he loves me.” She continued.

“He doesn’t love you!” Nathan retorted. “He just wants to compete with me.”

Haisley laughed. “Compete for what?”

“To win you. To make me angry.” Nathan scoffed in disgust.

Haisley widened her eyes. “Compete for me?” She asked, puzzled. “You’re using the wrong word, Nath. To compete is to take something you already have. Like you competed for Crystal with Juan. So why should he compete for me when you’ve never had me.” But then Haisley nodded slowly. “Ah, you did have my heart, Nath.” She chuckled. “But that was in the past. Not anymore.

“I’ve planned to give my heart to Dean. So, he doesn’t need to bother competing for my heart from you.” She said with a smile. “I’ll willingly go to him. Surrender myself and my heart to him.” She continued confidently. “And just as I pray for your happiness with Loretta, pray the same for me, Nath. Consider it a souvenir from me after all these times I begged for your love.” Haisley leaned her head on the back of the sofa. “I’m tired of praying for God to open your heart to me. So instead, from now on, I’ll pray for God to open my heart to Dean.” Haisley yawned widely. She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and then found a comfortable head position. “I’m really sleepy now.” She said, and without saying anything more, the girl closed her eyes and began to breathe evenly.