Planned Baby

Chapter 62 GUILT

“Are they Pierce and Penny Quinlyn Cabello that I know?” I asked Quen when we were the only ones left in the room.

When nodded his head. “I went to their wake as your representative. I saw Penelope there.”

I was not able to talk not great after hearing what he just said.

I am sure that my Quinn is devastated by the loss of her parents. I know how much she loves her parents.

And now that they are gone, I can’t imagine how she will be able to cope up with this. And how will she accept the fact that I am the reason why she lost her parents.

“How is she?” The only thing I said.

Quen heaved a sigh. “I guess she is coping up well. It was her graduation day when it happened. She was about to give her speech at her graduation because she graduated as summa cum laude when she received a call that her parents had an accident and were dead on arrival.”

“She was able to finish her speech and went straight to the hospital to see their parents. As per the people there, Penelope never shed tears on them.“ Quen added.

“She is not coping up well,” I said.

Quen's forehead creased. “What do you mean? I saw her myself in the wake, she was handling her well.”

I look at Quen intently. “But she never shed a tear you said, right?”

Quen nodded but looks confused.

“Then she was not alright. She was emotionally numb and that is not healthy for her.” I told Quen.

Quen looks more confused by my answer.

“I read it once in an article online about being emotionally numb when you suddenly lose someone you love,” I explained to him.

“It may seem like a normal reaction to someone who loses someone unexpectedly but still, it is important to make sure that the person can grieve well. It involves understanding and processing the loss.” I added.

“If my Quinn will not be able to grieve properly, then she might lead to acute depression, anxiety, self-blame, and many more.”

Thinking those things makes me worried about her.

I started to remove all things that the hospital put in my body.

“What are you doing?” Quen started to panic.

“I need to see my Quinn! She needs me! She needs my help!” I told him while I continue to remove all the apparatus in my body.

Quen presses the emergency button. “You need to calm down bro. You need to take a rest. You just woke up from a coma. You can do that after you are completely healed.”

I shake my head. “No! I can’t wait anymore! I have been in a coma for three months which only means that my Quinn is dealing with everything on her own. She needs me right now!”

“How can you say that when you are the reason why her parents died? She might loathe you instead of needing your comfort!” Quen shouted why trying his best to stop me.

A few minutes later, a group of nurses entered my room. They all try to stop me from moving. Then I saw one of the nurses get a syringe and inject it on me.

I suddenly felt dizzy and sleepy. “My Quinn! My Quinn needs me!” That is the last thing I uttered before everything went blank.

When I woke up, I was alone in the room. I remember what Quen has said. He is right, when my Quinn found out that I am the reason why her parents died, she will surely loathe me.

I was clearly at fault. If she decided to sue me, I will not defend myself. I will do my best to receive the highest punishment that I can get. I will hold justice for her.

Then I thought of my parents. I am sure that they will not agree with me. They will do their best for me to win the case if my Quinn decided to sue me.

I am afraid not because I might end up in jail but by the fact that my Quinn will never be able to forgive me.

Of all people, I know how much she loves her parents. She will do everything for them.

And I don’t know if I can accept the loathe that she will have for me. I don’t know if I even deserve her forgiveness. What I did is not something that people can easily forgive.

One thing is for sure, I want her to receive the justice that she deserves.

I remove all the apparatus in my body and I did my best to go to the comfort room. When I saw the mirror, I gave all my strength to punch it. I ignore the bleeding in my hands.

I need to bleed more. I said to myself.

I pick up one of the broken glasses from the mirror and cut my wrist.

“Ulysses? Big bro?”

I got panic when I heard Kaela’s voice. I cut myself more. I was thinking of my Quinn when I am doing it.

My Quinn this is for you! I will take revenge for you!

“Brother!!!”

***

“Why did he try to kill himself?” I can hear my mom’s voice.

“Maybe because of guilt? Someone died because of him.” Karma said.

“But it was not his fault. He doesn’t want it to happen.” My mom tried her best to defend me.

I opened my eyes and saw a white light and white walls. I am sure that I am in a hospital. But why am I here? What did the hell happen?

“Ulysses!” They all called my names wearing their worried face.

I look at them full of confusion. “What happened?”

“Seriously, you are asking us that?!” Kaela said a bit pissed.

I ignore her and look at Quen. “What happened to me? Why am I here?”

“You tried to commit suicide,” Quen explained.

My forehead creased. “Why will I do that? And how long am I here?”

Quen explained to me about my accident and my suicide attempt, While my parents ask for my doctor.

I don’t remember anything from the accident and even my suicide attempt. They told me that maybe I was too guilty because someone died during the accident that I was involved with.

They did not give me all the details. I look at Quen and I feel like he is hiding something.

End of flashback

***

When I woke up, I was already in the hospital.

I only saw Quen in my room. I feel like I am in Deja Vu.

“I finally understand why you kept me in the dark for all these years,” I told Quen while looking at him intently.

“You remembered,” Quen said while his eyes widen.

I nodded at him. “Yes. I remember everything. I don't know how to face Ellie anymore. Now that I know everything, I felt so ashamed of being happy with her when in fact I was the cause of her misery.”

“I broke her heart and I even killed her parents.”

“That was already in the past bro. Don’t let the past ruin your family.” Quen said.

I laughed bitterly. “How can I not think about it when it involves Ellie?”

“What done is done, bro. You can’t go back to the past. But you can compensate her now.” I can feel that Quen is doing his best to console me.

“No matter what I do, I will never be able to compensate for her loss,” I said to him. Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

“What will you do now then? Are you going to kill yourself again as you did years ago? Think about your children you selfish moron!” Quen hissed.

I shook my head. “You are right. I can’t kill myself anymore because of my children. I don’t want to burden Ellie more by raising our child alone.”

“Good thinking bro.” Then Quen sighed in relief.

“But why Ellie did not know that I was the one who killed her parents?” I asked Quen.

“You did not kill them okay? It was an accident.” Quen said to comfort me.

I gave him a forced smile. “You don’t need to comfort me. I am well aware of what happened. I know what I did. Just answer my question.”

Quen just shook his head. “She did not dig into details. She did not even file a case. She just accepted the fact that her parents died and go on with her life.”

When I was left all alone, I can’t stop thinking about my Quinn. I don’t know how to face her without my guilty feeling.

Ellie didn’t even try to give justice to her parents. She just accepted everything. How lonely can she be?

Ellie’s decision made me feel even more guilty.

***

“How are you feeling?”

I was welcomed by Ellie’s voice and worried face when I woke up.

I look at her. I am trying to memorize her face because I don’t know if I will have this kind of opportunity again.

“Hey, why are you not answering me? Are you okay? Do you want me to call for a doctor?” Ellie started to panic.

She was about to call for a doctor when I grab her hand and stop her.

“Don’t call them. I am fine.” I told her.

Ellie turned to me and brush my hair. I close my eyes while feeling her touch.

“Are you sure?” Ellie said full of concern.

I can’t take it anymore. I tried my best to stand.

I saw Ellie panic. “What are you doing?”

I ignore Ellie and I continue to remove the dextrose and started to kneel in front of her.

“I’m sorry Ellie! I’m sorry my Quinn! It was all my fault! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I said repeatedly.

“What are you saying? Can you calm down first?!”

I look at her, still kneeling in front of her. “I was the one who killed your parents. I was the one who causes the accident.”