Shadows In Durango

*****Vincent's POV*****

The silence in the car was killing me.

I kept my eyes locked on the road, gripping the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles pulsed around the leather.

The tension between us was thick, almost suffocating, and I figured that it wouldn't have been so severe since we had both spent some time apart...

But boy was I wrong!

I could feel her growing antsy beside me, fidgeting, probably lost in her own worried thoughts, and all I could think about was how badly I'd screwed this all up from start to finish.

I knew that I couldn't avoid this conversation any longer, but damn, I still wasn't as ready for it as I thought I would be.

Not even close.

There was a million things to say and to talk through, yet all I could give her right now was thickening silence...

She had every right to be angry, every right to hate me for how I had handled things. The way I'd kept her in the dark. The way I'd gone behind her back.

But what the hell was I supposed to do?

Did she expect me to just sit back and watch her get pulled into even more danger? Watch her father finally catch up with her? Watch her get hurt because of me?

I only thought I was helping...

I glanced over at her, just for a second, and saw the tension in her face, her hands twisting nervously in her lap below.

She was hurting like I was over this, probably more.

And I hated it.

I hated knowing that I was the one who'd put that very look on her face.

Finally, I couldn't take the silence anymore. I had to say something.

Anything.

"I don't blame you for this, you know," I said quietly, not daring to look at her. My eyes stayed glued to the road ahead, my voice low, as if saying it too loud would make it worse.

I could see from the corner of my eye her head snapping toward me, and I could feel her gaze burning into the side of my face. "What? I mean, how?" Her voice was shaking, and I could hear the confusion in it, the disbelief stuck in every word.

I sighed, running a hand back through my hair, trying to figure out how to explain myself. "I don't blame you for what happened to Daryl. I'm angry, yeah, but not at you for it..."

I wasn't angry at her for Daryl getting shot at all, but I knew it probably seemed that way with how I had acted last night, but I was just well and truly overwhelmed and stressed.

Ashton was the real fucking monster here, and yet why could I see the guilt all over her face as though it was her who had caused this?!

She was quiet for a moment to think on my words, and then, almost like she couldn't stop herself, she whispered, "I feel that I'm responsible for all of this. If I hadn't come into your life at all, none of this would've happened to any of you." Her voice cracked, and it cut me deep.

The way she said it, like she really believed she was a curse, or some kind of bad luck, hearing it made my body tighten.

I clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to yell, to tell her she was wrong, but I didn't. I had no right to snap at her, not after everything that she's already been through... that would only get us nowhere.

"You didn't bring Ashton into this willingly," I said, trying to stay calm, even though part of me wanted to punch something just thinking about that bastard alone. "He made his own choices, and he hurt people because of his own issues. That's nothing to do with you. But..." I hesitated, knowing what I was about to say wasn't going to be easy for her to hear. "What was to do with you, was not telling me sooner that you knew he was here, in town." I could feel her shift in the seat beside me, and I knew I'd hit a nerve with that.

I didn't want to make her feel any worse, but I couldn't pretend like it didn't bother me. She should have told me. I needed her to tell me. To trust me with such information.

I only wanted to keep her safe...

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There was a long pause, and when she finally spoke, her voice was so small, I almost didn't hear it.

"I just... I knew that whatever you were dealing with was a lot," she admitted, her voice shaking with the weight of her guilt. "You seemed so stressed and on edge that at the time, I didn't want to selfishly add another problem on top of that... but what I didn't know was that your stress all linked back to contacting my father behind my back... Why didn't you just tell me, Vincent?"

Her words were ones that hit me hard next, pausing any and all thoughts racing through my mind.

What can I say to that? She's right...

"Sofia..." I start, but nothing else comes after that, I was truly at a loss for words as I stared ahead and waited for my street to open up the gates for us.

"Why didn't you just tell me?!" She demands to know, her emotions taking their toll now since this very matter had been well overdue for us to discuss.

Driving up the quiet road and in to my driveway, I put the car in to park and took a second to think... allowing my head to bury in to my hands, the weight of this conversation beginning to crush me.

I could feel Sofia next to me, her presence close but distant at the same time. I didn't even know where to start now. I'd run it over in my head a thousand times, thinking through all the things I would say when we found her, but now that we were actually here, it was like every word I wanted to say had just evaporated from my memory.Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

I'd known this heavy talk was coming.

I owed her an explanation for why I had chose to reach out to the one person she feared most in this world: her father.

I knew I had fucked up majorly, I knew that, but I was now fucking terrified of what might happen once everything was out in the open.

With a shaky breath, I raised my head, forcing myself to face her on this. She was staring out the window, tears glistening in her eyes.

Seeing her like that, hurting, when she had already been hurt many times before, now hurting because of me, the one she had finally began to trust - it killed me.

With a desperate intake of air, I push myself to say: "Sofia I thought I was doing the right thing in order to keep you safe, I didn't know he was going to manipulate the situation like he did, and the whole arranged marriage thing wasn't mine or my fathers idea, it was all him - believe me!" I begin to spill out, hoping that I could provide enough context on how things had unravelled that day in order for her to trust me again....

None of it was malicious, at least not intentionally, but the same fact still remained - I should have discussed it with her from the very start to avoid all of this.

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Sofia remained silent, her gaze still locked on the window.

I could feel her pulling away from me, like every word I said was falling short of reaching her.

"I didn't agree to anything either, I swear! My father just told him that we would get back to him on it and that's when I was stuck on when and how to tell you..." I rant once more, praying that she would answer me as my palms grew hot. I wasn't sure if she would ever believe me, and it was tearing me apart from the inside out!

The silence lingered, heavy and uncomfortable. The car felt like a cage, trapping us in.

I wanted to reach out, to hold her hand, to promise her that everything would be okay, but I knew that wasn't enough anymore.

Words alone wouldn't fix this, it would have to be actions.

"I should've told you," I admitted quietly, my voice barely there now. "I should've trusted you with the truth from the very beginning but I didn't want to hurt or scare you. I thought you would panic..."

Her shoulders tensed, and I saw her wipe away a tear quickly. "You didn't want me to panic?! Well when I did find out at dinner it did panic me, and look at what happened after that! This world is so damn unfair!" Sofia turns to face me now, her emotions raw and her face vulnerable.

"Sofia, I..." I attempt to reach out for her hand as she only swipes it out of my reach.

"I can't fucking trust anybody now Vincent! Do you know how much that sucks for me?! Moving around from town to town, only to finally feel like I fit in somewhere, then to have you making calls and arrangements with my evil bastard of a father behind my back? Why would you do that to me?!" Sofia cuts me off, her tone sharp but the sobs filling each space as she pauses for air.

"I... I'm sorry!" I find myself babbling back like a weak and vulnerable kid, something that I hadn't felt in a long time.

"Mark my words Vincent... I would rather fucking die than go back to him... I won't EVER let him win!" Sofia breathes, seeming to fully lose it as I attempt to hush her to calm her down.

I had never seen her this angry since knowing her, and it scared me to wonder where this could lead... would she up and leave town again? Is that what she does whenever something gets threatening for her? Whenever someone betrays her trust?

Will this even be fixable between us?

She was hurting, way more than what I had even predicted... and I didn't know what to fucking do!