Teacher's Girl (Aflyingwhale)

Chapter 62: Almost Always 

EMMA’s POV :

I thought about calling, but the thought of hearing his voice scared the hell out of me.

I turned off the call before it even rang.

Calling someone out of the blue could be so nerve wracking.

So I decided to text him instead.

It was more casual.

I wrote about ten different texts before settling with "Can we talk - Emma’.

Yeah, just those four words.

No hi or hello or how are you.

It was simple and straightforward.

As soon as I hit the send I threw my phone down at the passenger seat.

I was so nervous, I couldn't even look at it.

I waited for a few seconds before I picked up the phone again.

The message was delivered.

I was wondering if he'd read it yet, and as if to answer my question, my phone suddenly buzzed with an incoming call.

lan was calling me! I was not prepared for that! I almost dropped my phone to the ground out of sheer shock.

I was starting at the screen for a while before I took a deep breath and tapped the answer button.

"Hello?"my voice came out shakily

"Emma, it’s good to hear from you,"he said.

He sounded cool and casual.

"It is?I asked.

‘Yeah, I also have something I wanna talk to you about,"

"You do?"

"Let’s meet.Just tell me when and where,"

"Okay, I will,"

I said, pausing for a moment before continuing, "Hey, you know, you could just text me back,"

"And you could just call,"he replied. Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

"Right..."

"Yeah..."

There was an awkward silence there and I could hear his breathing.

This was exactly why I didn’t wanna call him in the first place.

I didn’t want any awkward silences.

"So, I'll let you know the time and place,"I said finally.

"Okay,"

"I'll, uh text or call or something,"

"Okay,"

"Alright, see you then,"

"See you,"

I tapped the end call button and let out a sigh of relief.

I didn’t know I was even holding my breath.

If talking on the phone with him was this difficult, I could only wonder what our conversation face to face would be like.

kI didn’t call or text him again for the next few days.

I wanted to, but I thought I should take some time to get my thoughts together.

I ended up writing him a letter.

It was three pages long, single-spaced Times New Roman font size 12. After writing that letter, I rewrote it again to make it more concise.

I ended up with a full A4 page of writing.

That thing was even longer than my salutatorian graduation speech.

When I finally knew that I was ready and I had everything I wanted to say to him prepared, it was already the last day of school.

Yes, my last day ever as a high school student.

I had finished my last class of the day and I couldn't help but feel emotional.

Making my way down the halls, I saw all my friends and classmates cheering and yelling at the top of their lungs.

I walked past by everyone, nodding to Tiff and Carrie, and smiling at Tyler.

I turned the corner and I found myself standing in front of the art studio.

It was quieter on this side of the hall.

Slowly, I stepped towards the door and peeked inside.

lan was alone in the room, he was putting some papers into his briefcase.

My breath hitched at the sight of him and I got nervous all over again.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked gently at the door and his head whipped up to see me.

"Hey,"I said.

"Hey,"he looked taken aback, but he quickly gathered his composure, "I was starting to wonder if you'd forgotten about me,"

"Of course not,"I smiled awkwardly.

I took a step inside and played with the letter in my hand.

I wondered if I should just skip the small talk and get right to it, open the letter and read everything out loud to him.

"Congratulations on being salutatorian,"he said suddenly, cutting my train of thought.

"Thank you,"I laughed nervously.

"I don’t even know how that happened,"

"I do.You're a smart girl, period,"he said simply.

He always called me smart and beautiful and he was doing it again now.

He saw things in me when I didn't even see it in myself.

I was so grateful for him, which made saying goodbye even harder now.

"So, um, about that talk..."I trailed.

"We're not gonna talk here, are we?"

"We're not?"

"Why don’t you come by my place later?"

"Um...what time?"

"Six? Seven?"

I thought about his offer for a while.

I had a lot to say and the school ground was probably not the best option.

"Okay,"I said finally.

"I'll see you tonight,"he said as he pulled his briefcase off the desk.

"See you,"He gave me one last smile before walking out of the room.

I looked down to the scrunched up paper in my hand, the letter containing everything I wanted to say to him.

Letting out a sigh, I put the letter in my back pocket and turned to my heels.

Just before I left the art studio, I took one last look around.

There were so many great memories here.

Not being biased, but this class was always my favorite class ever.

My eyes then darted to the desk and there was a plague with lan’s name onit.

Mr.Hayes.And he was always my favorite teacher ever.

It was a Friday night and our graduation was Saturday afternoon.

It was the night before graduation, so the seniors were having one last huzzah at Madison's house.

I figured I could to lan’s place before the party.

It worked out perfectly because after I tell him my final goodbye, I would be surrounded by all my friends for some comfort and love.

I arrived at his place just before 7 PM.

I stood at his door for a few seconds in silence before I could bring myself to knock on the door.

He opened the door moments later and his eyes lit up when he saw me.

"It's you? You don’t have your key?"he asked.

"I do, but I don’t know if I should use it,"I said, revealing the key he gave me from my back pocket.

I handed him the key back and he took it.

"You don't have to give this back.I have a lot of spares,"he said.

"But I should.I don’t have a use for it anymore anyway,"

I replied, and it sounded bitterer than I had anticipated.

"So..."he trailed as he closed the door behind me.

"So..."I followed.

"You wanna go first?"

he asked.

I let out a sigh and nodded my head.

I pulled out a piece of paper from my other back pocket and unfolded it open.

"I actually wrote you a letter,"I laughed nervously.

"Okay,"I took a deep breath and looked at the words in that letter.

My eyes darted up to see him staring back at me.

It was nerve wracking to say all these to his face, so my gaze went back down to the paper.

"Dear lan...there are so many things I want to say to you, words will never be enough.But I’m gonna try.First of all, I wanna thank you for being in my life.Thank you for taking a chance on me, despite all the risks.Thank you for teaching me what true love is like.You're the best teacher a girl could ever ask for..."

I looked up to gauge his reaction.

His face was stoic, but there was a slight glimmer in his eye.

"Second, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you.I love you so much and so hard, I didn’t make it easy for you, but I regret nothing.Given the chance, I would do the same thing all over again...Falling in love with you...Sneaking around town to be with you...Planning a future with you...Almost having a baby with you...I don’t regret any of that,"

I had to pause for a moment because I was getting too emotional.

Choking back my tears, I took a deep breath and continued.

"You said that just because two people love each other, it doesn't mean they have to be together.It took me a while to understand what you mean by that.But now, I think I finally got it...I love you, lan Hayes.Always have and always will.I want what’s best for you and if that means we can't be together, then so be it.Just know that you will always have a piece of my heart and we will always have the same soul.Good bye and I wish you well...Emma,"

A single tear trickled down my face and I wiped it off quickly.

Slowly, I looked up to see his face.

He had the same stoic expression from before, but his piercing dark brown eyes were glassy.

"So, yeah...that’s it.That's all I wanna say..."

I said again, waiting for his response.

He didn’t say anything for the longest time.

He just stood there and stared at me.

It was getting uncomfortable.

"lan? Say something will you?"I asked again.

"Are you done? Is it my turn to talk now?"he said suddenly.

"Sure,"I gave him a puzzled look.

He took a deep breath and took a step closer to me.

He was standing an arm’s length away and his gaze bored deeply into mine.

I was caught in a trance, I couldn't move or speak.

Then and without warning, he took my hand in his.

"The reason I asked you here is because I want to tell you ..Emma, I am still utterly and hopelessly in love with you.I don’t think I could ever stop loving you.And even though you'd be better off without me, I just wanna tell you this anyway,"My breath was caught in my throat and my eyebrows furrowed.This came out of nowhere.

I was definitely not expecting this at all.

"These past months without you were the worst months of my life.This is gonna be the most selfish thing I've ever done, but here it goes..."he said again.

His other hand reached for his back pocket and he pulled out this little velvety box.

"I know I've let you down so many times and I don't deserve you, but I love you.You are my heart and soul..."

He opened the box and revealed a little diamond ring perched inside.

I gasped instantly at the sight.

My eyes darted from the right up to his face and back down the right.

He had this serious expression on his face and his hand held tightly onto my quivering hand.

And the next thing I knew, he bent down on one knee.

"lan…?"

was all that could come out of my mouth.

I looked down at him and he just smiled.

"I wouldn't hold it against you if you say no.It is the wiser choice.But if you’re feeling foolish like I am right now...will you marry me?"