Teacher's Girl (Aflyingwhale)

Chapter 85: Open Heart 

IAN’s POV :

Fucking bullshit! I got in a car as fast as I could and drove until the bridge when I stopped myself.

She didn’t want me to come.

She wanted some space.

Punching the steering wheel in anger, I turned the car around and drove back.

We are ninety miles apart.

How much more space does she want? I didn’t understand this at all.

She chose to talk about big life decisions with that Tristan guy over me, her own fiancée.

What the hell? "I didn’t wanna tell you until I'm ready because I know you're gonna make my decisions for me,"

Her words were stinging in my ear.

What did that even mean? Was she saying that I was controlling? I tried to call her again, but her phone was off.

And even if she picked up the phone, I didn’t know what I would say to her.

She asked for space to think, goddamnit, why can't I be a mature person and give it to her? Suddenly, my phone started buzzing and I picked it up immediately.

My heart was racing at the thought that Emma was calling me back, maybe she was changing her mind? "Emma?!"

I said to the phone without even checking it.

"Hey, no it’s me, Ally,"the voice on the other line said.

"Oh,"I sighed as my shoulders slumped down in disappointment, "What's up, Al?"

"Where are you right now?"

"In the car,"

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere,"

I said simply.

"Oh...okay...well, I have some things I wanna discuss regarding the grand opening day.I was gonna see if I can come over to your place to talk about it, but it sounds like you're busy, so..."

"No, I can talk.I'll come to your place.I'm not far,"

"Really? Okay then.I'll see you in a bit,"

Turning off the call, I made a quick U-turn and drove towards Ally’s.

If I went home right now, I would just keep kicking myself in the head and replaying all the words Emma said to me.

That wasn't gonna do me any good.

I decided to give Emma her space and I would try her again tomorrow.

As of right now, I wanted to think about something else other than the looming space between Emma and I.

Going over to Ally’s and talking about work seemed like a better idea I reached Ally’s apartment within minutes.

Beaming with excitement, she opened the door for me and led us to the living room.

As much as I wanted to act like everything was okay, all I could muster was a half smile.

"So, listen, I wanna go through the guest list with you,"

Ally said as soon as we sat on the couch.

On the coffee table was a stack of papers and invitations to our gallery's grand opening.

"Our capacity is at 140 people.I know you said you don’t want more than 20 reporters, but I think we should have more.

There are at least 30 important media people from all the five boroughs,"

Ally was going on and on about the guest list and invites.

I nodded along like I was listening, but only half of me was there in that room.

The other half was still thinking about Emma and if I should have done something or said something else.

"What’s going on, lan? What’s on your mind?"

Ally said suddenly, pulling me out of my train of thought.

"Huh?"

"You can barely focus.Tell me, what’s wrong?"

"It's nothing,"

I muttered and grabbed the guest list on the table, "So we're pretty full, huh?"

"It’s about Emma, isn’t it?"

Ally pressed on.

"You sounded worried when you thought I was her calling you,"

"Yeah, well...things are just shit right now,"

I sighed and threw the guest list back on the table.

Ally didn’t say a word.

She looked at me knowingly and stood up to her feet.

She walked towards a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.

It was a Macallan 25 year old single malt scotch.My go to drink.

"Looks like you could use some of this,"she said.

"I thought you don't drink anymore?"

"It's not for me,"she poured a generous amount into one glass and gave it to me.

I took it from her gladly.

After drinking too much and blacking out for days, Ally made a deal with me not to drink anymore.

She spent weeks in the hospital trying to get better.

She was three months sober now, I was so proud of her.

"Thanks,"

I took a big gulp and let the fiery warm liquid enter my system.It was exactly what I needed right now.

"Whoa, slow down,"

Ally laughed drily as she watched me downed the entire thing all at once.

I put the empty glass down on the table and let out a long, exasperated sigh.

Ally poured some water into her glass and she took a sip of her own drink before pouring another generous amount of scotch into mine.

"Trouble in paradise?"she said as she played with the drink in her hand

"I thought you two were going strong?"

"It's just hard with long distance.We don't talk as much anymore.I feel like I’m losing her.And the harder I try to grasp, the more she’s slipping away from me," the alcohol in my system was making my tongue loose.

"She's still so young, lan.Maybe she’s not ready for such a mature relationship,"

"She’s not the problem,"I sighed and stared at the bottom of my glass.

It was empty again.

"She’s young, but she’s way mature.I’m the problem here,"

"What do you mean?"

Ally topped off my drink again. "She’s always growing and becoming more and I'm afraid I've passed my prime.I think I’m not enough for her,"

"That can't be true, can it?"

"I don't know,"

"How long have you been feeling this way?"

"For a while,"

"And you never told her?"

I shook my head and took another big sip.

"lan, communication is the key to a relationship.I wasn't completely honest with Richard and that’s the thing that ended our engagement.Don’t make the same mistake as me,"

"But what am I supposed to tell her, Al? Sorry for not being man enough, but please be with me anyway?" I scoffed.

How pathetic would that sound? I don’t wanna be that guy.Hell no.

"You know what she told me earlier? She said I was controlling,"

"Well, to be honest, you can be sometimes..."

"I only did it because I was afraid I'd lose her.

I never deserve a girl like her, not in a million years,"

I admitted.

"That's not true,"Ally said.

"But it is.That's my worst fear, Al.I'm afraid she’s gonna out into the world and see there’s plenty of other guys that are better than me...why would a girl like her pick someone like me anyway?"

"What are you talking about, lan.You're a great guy.She’s lucky to have you too,"

Ally put a hand on my knee in a comforting manner, but I shook my head and moved it away.

"No, you don’t know the whole story..."

"That's because you never told me the whole story,"

She asked me plenty of times about Emma, but I couldn't tell her much.I could never tell anyone.

Not unless I wanted trouble.But basically, I was a horrible guy.

She was only in high school when she first met me, innocent and pure.

I didn't realize she was that young, but the moment I laid eyes on her at that bar, I knew I had to have her.

She didn't look like the type that would be into guys like me, but I was persuasive.

She was young and inexperienced.

I was selfish and impatient. All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

So, I took her to the back alley and fiicked her next to a dumpster.

When I found out she was a student of mine, instead of running for the hills, I wanted her even more.

I was a sick son of a bitch.

She was young and impressionable.I was supposed to be the mature adult, but I couldn't control myself.

Breaking all the rules, I took her again and again.

I never stopped.I had my grip so tight around her, she was willing to do anything for me.

She was almost raped by a dude because of me.

She almost gave up on her future for me too.

And when I finally had the balls to end things and let her move on with her life, I had to come back in and forced myself into her life once again.

All because I couldn't control myself.

All because I was convinced that I love her.

I used to go to church when I was young.

I remembered the priests would recite ‘love is patient and love is kind’.

But why was my love this unkind? My love for her was nowhere near pure and gentle.

It was proud and self- seeking.

No wonder she asked for space.

I was suffocating her.

"Some deep thoughts you're having there.Care to share?"Ally said again.

I looked down at the glass in my hand and realized it was empty again.

"Just give me another glass, will you?"

I was slurring a little, holding my empty glass out to her.

"I have something stronger if you want?"

"Al, you're not still taking those prescription drugs are you?"I eyed her suspiciously.

"I don't take them anymore,"she said reassuringly.

"I just have a couple left, just in case.And it looks like you could some right now,"

"No, I don’t want it,"I shook my head quickly."You sure? Alcohol is slow, but they work fast.It’s gonna take your mind off of things,"

"I’m sure, Al.No drugs,"

"Okay, suit yourself,"she said as she poured another glass forme.

That was the last drink I remembered before I blacked out that night.

I remembered ranting about my stupid insecurities and Ally listened to everything patiently.

I didn’t know when or what, but everything after that was just black.

I had a nightmare that night.

I dreamt that I was walking through a field with tall grass, and I saw Emma on the other side of the field.

She was walking away from me.

I called out after her, but she didn't hear me.

I started chasing her, but no matter how close I was to her, I couldn't reach her.

When I opened my eyes next, my head felt like it was being hammered and the bright sunlight from the window was blinding my eyes.

Groaning lazily, I rolled over to my side and I felt something warm next to me.

I opened my eyes again and slowly my brain was registering it, it was Ally.

I was sleeping on her bed.

She was sleeping next to me

"Wha..?"

I croaked and pulled away.That woke her up.

Her eyes fluttered opened and she gave me a weak smile.

"Morning sunshine,"

"What happened?"my body felt heavy, but I pushed myself to get up.

"Nothing happened.You drank the entire bottle and you fell asleep,"she stifled a laugh.

I staggered to my feet and saw my shirt crumpled on the floor.

Why was it the floor? Not thinking too much of it, I pulled the shirt up and put it back on me.

Looking at the clock on Ally’s bedside table, I saw that it was already 12.30 PM.I was gonna call Emma this morning, but now she was in her class already.

"Dammit,"I muttered and strode to the living room.

I saw my phone and keys on the coffee table and I collected them quickly.

"Hey, what's your rush?" Ally said, following after me.

"I have to go,"

"Where to?"

"Her," I stated and went for my boots.

Ally watched my trembling hands as I put my boots on and tied the laces together.

I shouldn't have been drinking that much.

But I figured the two hour drive to Philly would sober me up.

"Ian, I don’t think you should be driving right now,"

Ally was standing in between me and her front door, blocking my way.

"I can't lose her, Al.I have to see her," my heart was stinging in pain as I remembered the dream I had last night.

"But”

"Move!"

I was practically shouting at Ally.

She looked taken aback, she wasn't expecting that at all.

I didn't mean to shout like that, but I needed her to move.

When she wasn’t moving away, my hands shoved her swiftly, and I pushed past her.

I was out the door the next second.

I only had one thought in my mind as I made that drive.

I wasn't gonna lose my girl over this.

Not now, not ever.