The Alpha Can’t Sense His Mate

ZADOKContent from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

It’s been three years since I saw her.

And three years since I heard from my wolf.

Three years of searching the dark forest with my warriors for any sign of Ithra.

Everyone thought I was crazy, Some believed I had lost my senses in the dark forest – including my beta.

“The men returned not too long ago,” Azriel informed me in my office. “We lost a large number of wolves in the Cold Valley.” He said with gritted teeth.

“Did they find her?” I asked the question I’ve asked for the past three years. “Did they find any trace of my mate?”

“No sir.” Azriel answered, “There were no reports of seeing or spotting anything out of the ordinary.”

“Prepare another batch,” I ordered in a dismissive tone. “By tomorrow, let them return to the dark forest.”

“Alpha,” Azriel said, but I didn’t care.

“I said send another search party!” My eyes blazed. “Send another batch of warriors, more fiercer than the last. They must not return without valuable news of the Luna.”

A frustrated sound left the mouth of Azriel. “Isn’t it time you get over this? People are dying!”

“And I don’t care!” I yelled, getting up from my seat. “Tell me, Azriel. Whose life is more important, your Luna or her subjects?”

“Who are you?” Azriel asked with a shocked look on his face. “Who are you and what have you done to the Alpha that loved and protected his people?”

I held my breath, refusing to let my anger get the best of me. “I don’t care what you think Azriel. I want results, and I want it now.”

“Ithra is dead.”

I felt the world around me still at his words.

“What did you just say?” I asked in a dangerously low tone.

“You heard me, Alpha. I mean no disrespect but It’s high time you mourned your loss and get back to being the Alpha we love and respect-”

I shut his mouth with a powerful punch that made him spit blood.

“How dare you?” My voice was low, dangerous and threatening.

“I refuse to clean up your messes, Zadok. It’s been three years. I will not keep sending people to their deaths because you refused to accept reality. I refuse to endanger my warriors.”

“And what gives you the right to call the shots?”

“I am the beta of this pack, Zadok. If you will not listen to me or hear my counsel, then it’s time you sought a new second in command. Because I’m done taking your shit!”

For some insane reason, I couldn’t speak. Tongue-tied, I watched Azriel clean his bloodied lips and make the last word.

“You will put yourself in order, mourn your loss, and heal. I’m done trying to balance this shit.”

Azriel walked away, leaving me with my thoughts. I walked to the side of the room and poured myself some alcohol.

This has been my mechanism for shutting out the noise since I returned without her – since I stopped hearing from Kir altogether.

I wondered if I deserved this punishment. I’ve searched for Ithra for the past three years, in which I spent my time wondering if I deserved this pain.

No matter how hard I thought about it, no pain on earth could be compared to this. No crime on earth should warrant such a sentence.

Sometimes, I cursed the day I met her. The day I fell in love with her and when I found out she was my mate. Because some sick part of my mind thought I would have been better if I didn’t meet her.

I wouldn’t grow to love her, to feel her absence, or the gaping hole in my heart. You can’t miss what you never had. If she remained a figment of my imagination, I might move on, forcing myself to believe that the woman I choose to be my mate in her stead would be way better than she could ever be.

However, having met her, I knew no woman could compare to Ithra. There was no female better, or perfectly crafted for me.

Choosing the best lady wouldn’t cut it. It would be the biggest downgrade in the history of werewolves and mates.

Azriel’s words returned to my consciousness. I knew I was falling behind. Hell, the entire werewolf race and rogues thought something was off with the Alpha of the BloodHound Pack.

That explained why my territory has faced more attacks than usual these past three years. I didn’t hesitate to correct the impression whenever I was blessed with the opportunity to deal with anyone stupid enough to get caught in my territory.

Other than the occasional reminder of the terrible things I was made of, I knew the people were murmuring. Gone was the wonderful and thriving community that the Blood Hound pack boasted of.

Everyone minded their business these days, only doing as they were told. No one wanted to get on the bad side of the Alpha. Who would have thought that a day would come when I would become the terror of my people?

Indeed, If you live long enough, many things become possible.

Every day, I mourned the death of every warrior wolf that died, trying to get my mate back to where she belongs – ruling by my side. And every day, I die when I receive the news stating she was yet to be found.

Every day I eyed the portal that led to the dark forest, created by Shilhi, or rather Sarai, to aid her effortlessly travel to the dark forest.

Thankfully, she left the portal open, believing she would return with her army of resurrected allies. Sarai’s unforeseen end in the dark forest led to the possibility of Ithra returning to my side.

For years, people asked why I was sending my men to die for someone who might be dead. They wondered why I refused to let it go. In those moments I wished I could return to the dark forest for a second run and find my luna myself.

Unfortunately, the dark forest refused to grant me a second chance.

To my people, I became a terror. Selfish, and to some deranged. No one could understand why I was hell-bent on sending people to a forest as dangerous as the dark forest. And that for a woman that was probably dead.

They didn’t know. They didn’t know I could still feel the faint presence of our bond within me.

They didn’t know that despite how little and almost insignificant it was, It gave me hope. That maybe, just maybe I wasn’t cursed, and my mate was still out there.

Alive.