Panful
Liyah’s POV
I wasn’t completely sure why my head was aching so much. I knew I had been tired and overwhelmed more times than I could count, but it felt different this time. It felt… worse. After everything that had happened in the car, I had begun to see things differently, understand things I didn’t before. It all made sense now. Why Drew was still so protective of him although they had become distant, why Nikolai was always so bitter. It didn’t change the fact that I was still hurt, but it did make me see things from a different perspective.
I hated the fact that I understood now. I didn’t want to, I wanted to blame someone for everything that happened to me. I wanted to feel that pure hatred when I looked at him, and revel in it. But now… I couldn’t even identify what exactly I was feeling. Sadness, anger, pity, confusion, all jumbled up in my heart. It was so overwhelming I thought I would break down crying. But the most overwhelming of all was the disgust I felt. I never thought I could completely despise Father. Yes, I harbored some resentment over how he treated me. But I had always secretly wished he would learn to love me. Now I could feel goosebumps form on my skin from the thought of being close to him.
I sighed, clutching the apple I held in my left hand and heading down to the balcony to look for him. I hadn’t seen him since we got back, and he didn’t appear at dinner either. Margaret said he wasn’t in his room so I guessed he might be somewhere around. I hesitated as I got to the balcony. Why did I care that he hadn’t had anything to eat? I shouldn’t. If he wanted to starve it was his choice. I turned to walk back inside but my legs refused to cooperate.
I bit my bottom lip as an image of him beating himself up over and over again came to mind. Deciding I wouldn’t stay longer than I meant to, I walked to the bench I could see him sitting in.
Nikolai’s POV
I stared from the apple in her outstretched hand to her expressionless face. In lack of a meaningful comment, I took the apple from her and gave a small nod. I hadn’t felt this… empty in a long time. Even slight thoughts of Elle ruined my mood, and in essence my whole day. Now, talking about her, it broke me. It was like reliving the nightmare over again. But for some strange reason, it was relieving. I never let anyone know that Elle was pregnant. If Drew and Anna had known, I would have been the one stopping them from storming off to the Monhowl territory. But I had kept it a secret. Since my pups never existed, what was the point of bringing it up. But telling Liyah had made me realize just how much I was hurting, how much I had wanted to be a father. And for the life of me I couldn’t understand what was so therapeutic about that. But I let it go.
“I’m sorry.”
My brows furrowed as I turned to Liyah who had taken a seat beside me. I couldn’t hide my surprise when I saw her. Apparently she had been looking for me. It baffled me how after everything that had happened she still cared enough to… check up on me. I was a monster. Why should she worry or care? Being in her presence made me start to feel like a coward. How could she be so calm after everything I had done to her? Why was she even here? But I didn’t object. Having someone around made me feel strangely better.
“There’s no excuse for what you did,” She continued, and once again I felt guilt poke me. “But no one deserves to go through this much pain. It couldn’t have been easy to watch your wife and unborn babies killed right before your eyes.”
I felt her hesitation. “I’m really sorry. I know I thought of you as a monster, but now I see that the real monster… is my father.”
I felt the urge to swallow but it felt like my throat was constricted. Every passing moment showed me just how much better of a person she was than I would ever dream of being.
“And thank you.”
“For what?” I managed to ask.
“For trusting me with your secret.” When I didn’t respond, she continued. “Well, since everything else is out there, there’s no need to keep it a secret anymore.”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.
I watched her take a deep breath. “There’s a reason why my father and every other member of my pack despise me.”
Oh. I tried not to look too interested, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I was curious.
“Long story short, they think I’m a murder,” She shrugged, giving a light chuckle.
“My mother died during childbirth. I had grown up to my father hating me because he blamed me for her death. I was so young, I had no idea what was going on. And then I turned eighteen, and it turned out that there really was something wrong with me. I wasn’t special like the rest of them.”
My brows furrowed. ” How do you mea-”
“I’m a mere man,” she blurted. “I’m basically human, although both my parents are pure breeds. I have no abilities whatsoever. That was the last straw I guess. There was no need to respect me anymore… after all I’m not a real wolf.”
Although she was smiling, I could see her lips quiver as she struggled to hold back her tears.
She shrugged. “So yeah. I’ve always been a nobody. That’s why I couldn’t transform during the last hunt, I was too ashamed…”
As her shoulders began to shake, I reached out on impulse, placing a hand on hers and squeezing reassuringly.
“T-that’s why I can’t go home. I don’t-I don’t belong there.”
“You can stay here as long as you need to,” I assured her.
For the second time, I wondered how I had been so blind to everything. There had been so many clues, so many signs that she couldn’t possibly be the girl I was supposed to abduct, but I couldn’t look past my anger enough to see them. And I had punished her for no reason whatsoever. Overwhelmed with so many emotions, I scooted closer to her and tightened my hold on her hand.