Whimpering
“It’s impossible for a man to survive alone for decades, Garrett. Impossible.”
Daphne collapsed into Garrett’s chest and clung to the man’s clothes with her eyes closed. She did not want to face reality, but the opposite was happening. The tighter she closed her eyes, the clearer the image became. It was a vivid picture of a past that would never fade, swallowed by time.
Garrett was stunned, frozen in a stillness that immobilized him. He couldn’t move an inch.
“It is impossible for Allan to survive alone until death takes him, Garrett. It can’t be.”
Not a word escaped Garrett’s lips. Despite Daphne’s revelations, he could only remain silent. As Daphne told Garrett everything, he seemed to be struck by a reality he had never expected. A reality he had never seen, even though it had been right in front of him all along.
“Can you see it?” Daphne asked, her voice trembling through the flowing tears. “All his life there has never been another woman in Allan’s life. Never anyone but Norah. Except your mother, Garrett.”
A tear trickled down Garrett’s eye. Awareness struck him, making his eyes clear with the truth he had been unaware of all this time. Even when Allan had left his life and Norah’s, no one else had ever replaced them.
“Never, Garrett.”
Daphne’s groan sounded so sad, it turned into a rusty blade. It pierced Garrett’s heart and tore it apart. He bled profusely under all the accusations.
“N-Nana.”
His fragile fingers tightened on Garrett’s chest. Daphne’s face bowed, powerless and trapped. Daphne was weak, helpless.
“You should know how much Allan has suffered without you, Garrett.”
Daphne shook her head. Her frail shoulders shook violently in the uncontrollable sobbing. Like a documentary, those days replayed in Daphne’s mind.
The son who had to live his life alone. A man who seemed fine all his life, but who in reality harbored pain that no one else could imagine.
“He could only watch you from a distance. He could only comfort himself by believing that you were fine. He could only comfort his heart by trusting that this was the best for you.”
Garrett shook his head, perhaps trying to deny reality. But every word Daphne said managed to shake him again and again. It grabbed his common sense and rudely presented the facts he denied.
“Because only by leaving you could Allan be sure that you wouldn’t get hurt. That you would live the life you deserved. Even if it meant that he had to suffer for the rest of his life.”
“N-no. That’s impossible, Nana.”
But when Garrett tried to deny it, the pain felt more excruciating as it squeezed his heart. It brought up various sorrows that Garrett had never considered before.
“No parent can live without their child, Garrett. And you must know how much Allan loved you all this time. Even before he left this world, you were the only one on his mind.”
That’s impossible, isn’t it? The Allan Garrett knew was an irresponsible father. He abandoned himself and his mother for years. Just giving them money without any affection, isn’t that proof that Allan didn’t want them? That he didn’t love them? But once again, Daphne’s moans broke down all those walls. The strong fortress Garrett had built up over the years crumbled with just a few words. You were the only thing on Allan’s mind.
Garrett curled up in a ball and endured the pain that refused to leave him. He was broken into pieces, under various stabs and tears that pointed out his foolishness all the time. He should have realized it even a little. But in reality, he didn’t. He didn’t realize what was really happening when the heartache blinded his eyes and thoughts. It made him unable to see clearly or think clearly. That everything that happened wasn’t the way he’d been accusing it all along.
Allan loved him. Allan loved Norah. But why hadn’t Garrett ever realized that? That since Allan had left Garrett and Norah years ago, no other woman had entered his life. Not one woman he allowed to come into his life. Not one woman he allowed to replace Norah in his life. Garrett should have realized that. That for decades not a single child had managed to change his position. He was Allan’s only legitimate child. A recognized child. A child he was forced to leave behind but never forgot.
“Dad.”
The agony was more painful than all the pain in the world. Garrett’s body moaned. Full of agony that pierced every inch of his flesh. Cutting deep, slow slices across his skin. Blood flowed. Dripping. In an unstoppable wail of remorse.Content provided by NôvelDrama.Org.
Garrett’s chest was compressed. By a tightness and weight, he had never expected. And when all the pain hit him, all he could do was surrender. Collapse powerless. Fall without effort.
“Dad.”
This was more than regret. No. There was never a regret as painful as this one. There was never a regret that tore at the heart more than this. When a child realizes that all this time he has been blaming his own parents so unfairly.
“Dad.”
The regret echoed. In the relentless back and forth of grief. Endlessly. Without pause. Causing a grief Garrett could no longer bear.
Garrett was suffering. He was wounded. In a pain that wouldn’t allow him to apologize.
“I’m sorry.”
Because it was all too late. Of all the apologies that always came too late, this was the one Garrett hated the most. When he couldn’t get down on his knees and beg directly.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
It was all in vain. But Garrett’s chest felt tight. In the tightness and heaviness that increasingly oppressed him.
Garrett thumped his chest. There. In there. There was a pain that tortured him more and more.
“Garrett.”
There was a grip holding Garrett’s hand, preventing his blows from landing in the same place. It was Elice. She immediately held Garrett down, even as he struggled under the excruciating pain. Elice hugged him tightly.
“Garrett, I beg you.”
Garrett closed his eyes and could only moan through the torrential tears. He felt suffocated, in reality, in ignorance, and in the relentless pain that stabbed him.
“Elice.”
The groan was agonizing, causing Elice to tremble as the images flashed through her mind. How much pain was Garrett in right now? How much was he suffering?
“Elice.”
Elice persevered, strengthening herself to be her husband’s anchor. She would stay there. Not leave. Not abandon Garrett in the judgment he was going through.
“I’m sorry, Dad. Forgive me.”
Because all this time, Garrett had always thought it was he and Norah who were hurt. All this time, Garrett had always thought that Allan had willingly left them for all that wealth. But one thing he never realized. That there was another heart that suffered more than his and Norah’s.
It was Allan. The one who had to leave his beloved wife and child. The one who had to leave with the label of an irresponsible man. The one who had to leave with cruel accusations from his own son.
Garrett refused to acknowledge it. How much Allan had suffered in his days. In love, longing and pain that forced him to walk alone.
Garrett refused to acknowledge it. How much agony Allan had to endure with no one by his side. He had to bandage the wounds he had inflicted on himself. Trying to contain the blood that dripped from his own actions.
And that was what Garrett regretted the most. That all this time he thought he was a strong kid. Who could withstand all the bitterness of his family.
But without Garrett realizing it, he wasn’t that strong. He was a weak child. Even when everything was revealed right in front of him, he realized it. It turned out that he couldn’t do anything without Allan’s touch inside him.
Allan made sure that Garrett was estranged from his family. To convince himself that his son could have a chance to live in peace. To live peaceful days. No matter if what he did would ignite years of hatred.
Because Allan was the only one who could make Norah and Garrett happy. Even without him.
And Garrett didn’t want to guess. How much Allan suffered when he was facing death. In pain and agony as his soul slowly left him and there were only two faces he remembered. In the form of two regrets and also of happiness that turned into one.
Allan suffered and found happiness at the same time. For the hope he left behind for those he trusted. That Garrett would always be protected.
So that no one would know how much pain Garrett was in right now. Even though Allan was no longer in this world, he and Norah were always surrounded by it. By Nelson. By Amber. Who had become an extension of their father.
“I’m sorry.”
Elice tightened her hug, letting her body scream in pain as Garrett did the same.
Garrett hugged Elice tightly. He tried to transfer all the pain he was feeling. But he couldn’t. The pain stayed. It couldn’t move and didn’t diminish.
In reality, Garrett was surrendering. He was resigning himself to a fate he couldn’t escape. That no matter how long it lasted, the pain would always be there. Tightly bound to his soul and body. It wouldn’t let go for a moment. Just like the pain that had held Allan captive all this time.
Garrett gave in. Only to realize that maybe that pain was the only thing he had right now. The only thing that would make him realize and understand that all this time he would always be the luckiest son.
So deep in Allan’s heart, Garrett was the only son he would love with all his heart and soul. The one who made him think twice about sacrificing his own happiness. For a father’s love for his son would always be that deep.
And for all the tears that continued to flow for the rest of the night, Garrett was hit with a reality. Whether it was honesty or lies, sometimes only their forms differed. In the end, they would still bring the same pain.
*