Sea eyes
Sea eyes
I never communicated with the Attorney who introduced himself to me again since, in addition to not contacting him, I did not provide him with my contact information. Part of me wants to believe, while the other half wants me to remain cautious.
For the sake of myself and Stanley, I haven't even spoken to Andrius again. I blocked his number and didn't leave the house too much, so we couldn't meet. I had no idea my due date would be next week. Not only that, but I'm getting close to seeing my baby, and Stanley's long-awaited wedding is also approaching.
It seems like only yesterday that I was inside Andrius' house, waiting for his return, like a puppy waiting for its master to come so that it may be petted. I never imagined that someone would come into my life and offer attention to me freely when I didn't ask for it, without me pleading for it, yet…
Something appears to have been lost. There remains a gap in my heart that, no matter how much I fill it, that whatever I believed was missing remains unfilled. My heart was hammering as I tried to recognize the person I wanted to unloved since my heart still wants to love its old owner. Was it historically? Is that person still in control of my heart? It was as though, even if my heart was damaged several times, it would strive to put itself back together so that it might be okay again.
I'll be heading to the altar in front of the man I committed to being with for the rest of my life in a few months.
“Caroline, do you have all of your clothes in order? What about the baby's clothes?” Stanley knocked on the door, even though it was open and all he had to do was enter. But he was different; he felt it would be better not to step on things that he saw to be red flags for me.
“You appear to be even more ecstatic than I am. I'm done; I fixed it earlier. All I have to do now is put it in the bag. Come on in,” I said as I rose to pick up the bag in which I planned to store the baby's clothing.
He dashed by me as I was going to bow down; I was having difficulty bending down since nothing was moving in my bones whenever I tried to. He snatched the bag I wanted to put the clothing in since I had dropped it earlier and was too sluggish to pick it up.
I giggle because I resemble a frog. Because I ate too much, my arms grew too large. The individual who brings me cheese has likewise ceased sending me cheese… Even though I'm used to it that someone always delivers cheese.
I once walked to the front gate only to inquire whether any cheese had arrived. Stanley is still unaware of that until now.
Stanley hugged me from behind when he put on the clothing. I cracked a grin. I'm not doing it because I want to. But I don't want him to think I'm being unjust to him. If only I could ask someone to who I am being unfair.
Is it Andrius who is attempting to come to me and atone for his sins?
To Stanley, who has done nothing but support me. He did nothing except make me feel important and strong. The person who has done nothing but love me and made me feel loved every day, and who chooses me every day…
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Am I being unfair to myself because I can’t allow myself to be happy? That the day will still end, they are still what I think. The day still comes when I always blame myself for why I hurt them both.
I grabbed his hugging hand in mine and just cherished his embraces while trying to brighten the mood of the room even more. “What would she look like? Will she have a pointy nose? Red lips? Or will the eyelashes be as long as mine?”
He rested his chin on my shoulder and murmured in my ear since my ear and his mouth were so near. When it comes to Andrius and Stanley, you can tell the difference in my body's reaction with only a few minor motions.
If Andrius were to make a whisper in my ear, my body hair would surely grow but when it came to Stanley, I would feel nothing. Even my heart did not react.
I ignored everything. I always imprinted in my mind that the day would come too. Time will come. Time will come. If I still need to get a tattoo on my body, I will do it to convince myself more.
The days just passed quickly. My watering can still not burst, so we went to the hospital to be dealt with.
But when I arrived at the hospital, it was there that my stomach started to hurt as if someone was stepping on it. It was as if something was coming out of my vagina, so I was crying in pain. It's like I'm peeing that I don't know.
“STAN!!! STAN!!! STAAAANNN!! HOOO!” While I was in the wheelchair, I just shouted his name, breathed air, and they ran me to the Emergency Room. I was holding his hands, and I was feeling like I was hurting him. At the speed of the nurse’s push on the wheelchair, even he was already running.
I can no longer ignore what is happening. My brain seems to be slowing down. All I knew was that I was lying somewhere, I could no longer feel the pain of my tummy. The light was on me.
“WUAH! WUAH! WUAHHHH!” The loud cries of the baby I heard in the quiet and dark room. I saw some men wearing green robe dresses.
Even though I want to look at the crying baby, I am fainting. It was as if all the strength had been pulled out of my body. I smiled as I slowly closed my eyes and lost consciousness. Finally, my angel
is now born.
When I opened my eyes, Stanley was holding my hands with a distressed expression on his face. When he saw me, he noticed that my eyes were wide open as if he was breathing lightly, and he hurriedly rose to get some water. Thank you to him, and I'm glad he's here because I need water. My throat is so dry that I can't talk.
My eyes were still a little dizzy as if I had just awoken from a long slumber.
“How are you feeling? Does anything hurt? Will I call a nurse or doctor?” He cared about what he would do first, so even though I felt bad he made me laugh.
“Thank you.” That’s all I told him and smiled. I know he knows what that is for. For that from the first day to this day. He never forsook me and left. I can’t be sure of my heart for him, but I can promise I will stay by his side.
As I sat, and we were quiet, a nurse entered. Carrying what I've been waiting to see. My heart is beating fast. It's so joyous to feel like you're a mother. It was as if all my past was gone and erased by the child moving toward me with the nurse.
When the nurse put the baby in my arms. A series of tears I could only do because the eyes I love to forget are now in front of me.
The calm sea, quiet sky.
There is no difference between the blue eyes of the person I love and the blue eyes of my child.