The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

After sauntering inside my bedroom, I languidly placed my bag and books on my study table. I felt exhausted when I didn’t even do something tiring. Still wearing my uniform, I sat on the center of my bed while hugging my knees out of despair. I just couldn’t help myself but overthink again.

There was something different, and I just couldn’t explain it. My eyes wandered around my room until I fixed my stares on the dream catcher Liam gave me. It was freely hanged on my window. Then, I sighed. I was thinking pointlessly. I was lost and confused. After a few minutes, I became jittery and worried, making me gaze at nowhere while biting my nails unstoppably.

Why is it that some of the events in my dreams are actually coming to life? What is happening to me?

Why does it feel like sometimes, every single thing in my nightmares already happened in reality? Especially the part where I was vulnerably raped and ruined? Why am I feeling like this? What is the truth behind all of these?

I kept on thinking so hard until I fell asleep again. Succumbing to obliviousness, I already forgot that I still have two morning classes and one afternoon subject.

[Copyright © 2021 Nihc Ronoel]

It was not long before I could feel that someone was planting sweet little kisses on my face and neck, causing me to gradually wake up. I could also feel the warmth of his breath near my ears, with his fragrant masculine scent soothing my nostrils.

My eyelids drooped, and there was a slight lolling of my head. I still wanted to sleep because it was rare that I wasn’t bothered by my strange dreams. When I turned my face on him, a handsome Liam appeared right in front of me.

“Hey, sweetie! Why did you leave me?” Liam questioned politely. His long and beautiful eyelashes were highlighting.

His face was full of curiosity, but his radiant smile was present on his lips while he was caressing my silky hair. His dimple was catching my attention too. With that, I couldn’t focus anymore.

Stumped by what was bugging my mind earlier, I didn’t know why I slightly pushed him as I sat up straight on the bed and somewhat moved away from him. I loved him so much, and acting like this doesn’t make any sense.

“W-What are you doing here? Does Mom know you’re h-here in my bedroom?” I swallowed painfully because it was as if something had suddenly blocked my throat.

Liam attractively winked at me. “Yup. As a matter of fact, your mom herself let me in here. She said that you were still asleep, so she accompanied me earlier to watch over you. Hmm, she said that it was okay for me to stay here, but in one condition-I should not close the door.” He pointed the open door.

He slowly approached me, but I kept on moving away from him. “Hey, Diane… what’s wrong? Do we have a problem again?” he asked with visibly light frowns on his forehead, as his smiles began to fade when he noticed that I was keeping our bodies at an arm’s length.

“Liam, please. I’m not in the right mind now to talk about things. You can leave,” I said those words quietly but with conviction. I didn’t know how to deal with him properly, now that my mind was still confused.

“Is it about what happened to us last night? Look, Diane… I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to do that to you. You know how much I respected you, and I promise not to do that ever again. Please, just don’t avoid me.” Sadness was evident in his voice, and he was almost begging for me.

“I’m not avoiding you, Liam. I love you so much, but I hope you understand. I just want to be alone for now. I-I had so much on my plate already, and I don’t want to become a burden to you. I don’t know… but there’s a lot of things that are confusing me right now, and I have to sort them out all alone,” I tried to explain while still moving away from him until I reached the edge of my bed. Just a little more, and I would soon fall off the floor.

I’m not avoiding you, Liam. I’m actually saving you… from someone who didn’t even know herself.

“But how long do you want to be alone, Diane? How long will you decide not to talk to me? You knew for a fact that you’re not a burden to me, and you will never be one, sweetie. I told you that I will help you in everything and I mean it,” Liam contradicted what I told him.

“But please be honest to me, did I do something wrong? Did I do something you didn’t like, Diane? Am I too fast? Tell me, please… and I’ll change it. How about the things that are confusing your mind right now? We can talk about it. Just help me understand what’s happening,” he pleaded.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

You are right, Liam. But, how can I help you understand everything when I don’t even know what’s happening in the first place? my mind screamed.

Silence reigned in my room, but I was able to speak after a few minutes.

“You did nothing wrong, Liam. Actually, you are more than enough, and you’re almost perfect for me, but… w-what if I’m not the kind of woman that you should love? That it was a big m-mistake to love me, and in the end, you will only regret it?” I stammered in distress.

Blinking back my tears doesn’t even seem to help. I paused for a while, and when I did that, tears couldn’t stop from forming in my eyes. I wasn’t able to stop them from rolling down my cheeks no matter how hard I tried.

“I felt like I was totally incomplete, Liam… that there was a big part of my p-past that no matter what I do, and no matter how I tried, I couldn’t remember it. I already have some puzzle pieces, but I couldn’t solve the whole picture. What if in that part of my life, I became a f-filthy kind of woman who was never meant to be with you? That my past was trapped in a muddy ground that will never reach you?” My voice cracked, and I could not stop myself from sobbing anymore.

“Hey, don’t cry… please? I hate to see you like this.” Liam tried to comfort me.

Liam pulled me over a warm embrace, and he made sure that I could feel his love while being enclosed in his arms. Like last night, I found myself burying my face on his chest while returning his hug.

“I love you, okay? And nothing can ever change that, not even your past.” I felt Liam tenderly kissed my hair before he continued. “Do you still remember what you told me last night, huh? You’ve accepted me with open arms and you didn’t even care about my past too, so what’s the point of caring about yours?”

“I love you, Diane. I really do. What matters now is the present and you don’t know how much I’ve been looking forward to our future. So, from now on, let’s just forget about our past together. If you cannot reach me, then I’ll go down to be with you. And if you still have doubts and confusion, I promised to be there for you in that muddy ground you’re into. I won’t ever leave you,” Liam promised. 

He held my shoulders for me to look up to him, then he affectionately cupped my face.

“So, stop thinking that you are not meant for me, okay? We are meant for each other, and I can assure you that. Nothing or no one can separate us. Just don’t leave me, hmm?” He kissed me on the lips and tenderly hugged me again.

Stuck with bewilderment, I still found a way to respond to him while nodding and listening to his heartbeats. My mind was still confused, but I should not make everything complicated between the two of us. It was only a challenge for us. I knew that we would be able to conquer everything if we would never give up on one another and would just continuously hold on to our love.

I should not overthink, and there must be no room for doubts. I was still blessed for having Liam because I knew that he loved me so much, and I could feel that he would never leave me, no matter what.