It Is What It Is
“Where were you?” Roman peeked from behind his canvas. He didn’t look too happy.
“I was having lunch with Kelly,” she closed the studio door and walked to him.
His prying eyes looked at her suspiciously, “Why was your phone turned off?”
She tilted her head to one side and curved her lips, she couldn’t believe he was asking her that. “Because you were calling me non-stop, I had to turn it to vibrating mode and eventually turned it off when it practically shook the whole Ritz Carlton’s floor.”
He didn’t react. He went back to his painting.
She put her purse down on the floor and walked over to him. She touched his shoulders and squeezed them gently. She looped her arms around his neck from behind and kissed his cheek. “I was with Kelly, I promise.”
Lunch time was supposed to be his time. If she was with Declan, it would be a time stolen from him.
He put down his brush and palette, turned his face to her, and grabbed her with a kiss. She closed her eyes when his mouth found hers, his warm and smooth tongue taking her breath away. His teeth grazed her lips gently, she could feel it in his kiss just how much he wants her, and it send shivers down her spine.
His hands got under her shirt and pulled her close. He was breathing heavily, and the kiss just escalated by the second. She smiled, “Stop it.” Pushed him lightly. She had to be the one to remind him what they were doing was still a secret. Even when there are just the two of them, it feels like there were eyes watching them.
They broke away, his eyes were hazy, and they were staring at her in a way any woman would like to be stared at. He smiled. He felt it in her kiss, too, she was very much his, and his worry was gone.
“Kelly had a special request … by the way,” she sat on his lap. “She asked me to ask you whether you’d be interested in painting a nude portrait of her … to put up in her bedroom.”
He laughed lightly, “Seriously?”All content is property © NôvelDrama.Org.
She nodded, “Seriously … we spent half of our lunch discussing that … she really wants to have her nude portrait made, and she wanted you to do it.”
He kissed her neck and bit on her earlobe, “If I do a nude portrait … I’d do yours.”
She smiled, “Well, I’m not doing that … Kelly is … and you need to give me an answer ’cause she’ll be expecting one very soon.”
He put his chin on her shoulder and thought about it, “I don’t do nude portraits … I’d get too distracted … but I know someone who does, if she wants, I can introduce her to him.”
“A guy?” she looked at him.
He nodded, “Yeah … he’s specialized in portraits, so he’ll give her a better result than me.”
“Is he young?”
Roman creased his brows, “Does he have to be?”
Olivia laughed, “No … but Kelly’s newly divorced, and she has an eye for younger guys, it seems … I think she’s lonely. She wants some company … you know?”
“And you suggested her to do a portrait with me?”
“No … no …” she laughed, “It was her idea. She insisted that I ask you … I can’t tell her ‘no’ without asking you first.”
He turned her to face him, “Why not? You could’ve said I don’t do portraits … because I don’t.”
“I didn’t know that … but I will tell her now that I know,” she couldn’t resist kissing him, being so close to him like that.
Every time they kissed, it always take them to another place. The line was thin and easily crossed. But she had something in her mind that she wanted to ask him, she pulled away, leaving him wanting more and helpless. He let out a long exhale.
“Can I ask you something?” she said.
“Anything.”
“I heard something about you today … and it made me realize how little I know about you.”
“Oh no, am I in trouble?”
“It depends … what happened between you and your Professor at University? Is that something you’d like to share with me?”
His demeanor changed drastically. It’s like she had opened a bolted door to the past and forced him to revisit it. She couldn’t tell if it was because the memories were too unpleasant to retell or he was uncomfortable telling it to her. He stood up and let go of his embrace.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to …”
“That’s not it … I just …” he took a deep breath and let go in one deep exhale. “I left that place a long time ago … it’s the kind of thing I wake up every day and thinking it never really happened … or never thinking about it at all ever again … you know what I mean?”
She nodded, “I know what you mean … it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I was just asking because …”
“You heard it from Kelly?” he raised a brow, “I guess my mom’s friends all knew about it,” he put both hands in his pockets, “What do you want to know?”
She could see it has disturbed his peace. She took his hand, “Nothing … I don’t want to know about something that never happened,” she smiled.
Her maturity was exactly what he needed. It actually compelled him to confide in her. Her calmness made him feel secure to open up without fearing she would be angry at him for not telling her these things about himself. She wasn’t looking for a conflict. She wanted to know him without judging. She wanted to hear him.
“I loved her … she was the first woman I ever fell in love with … it was intense, to say the least … it was very … sexual.”
She sat down and folded her arms. She was ready for the whole story.
“I didn’t know any better. I thought it was love in its purest form … I’d defend it with my life,” he chuckled, “Stupid … I know … I was so young, and she was … lonely … I wanted it to last forever, she never had that intention.”
He looked down. The kind of love made him lose a little bit of himself.
“I left home when my parents were furious with me, they threatened me with everything they could think of, but I stood by what I believed … I loved her more than anything, I wanted to be with her no matter what the cost … and then …” he exhaled deeply, “When I told her that I left home to be with her … she freaked out.”
“Oh Roman … I’m so sorry,” she felt his pain, even from how he said it.
He scoffed, “Ironically, me being available to her made her realize that it was her husband that she wanted all along.”
He shot her a look that pierced through her heart. “I’ve never been so broken before in my life … then I met you … and you left me on that boat feeling the same way I felt when she left me … maybe worse …” he took a few steps toward her and pressed his forehead against hers, “Because this time I know it’s really love.”
His words made her stomach flutter, she loved him too, but her position was fragile. She wanted to proclaim her love to him as boldly as he did. How could she? When she’s still committed to another man planning to have a family with her. A man that had been her life companion for 15 years. What does she say to Roman?
He closed his eyes as if taking all the pain inside him, “Please tell me you won’t leave me again … it will kill me … I know that for sure.”
She wasn’t going to leave him. But does that mean she was going to leave Declan? She realized she never even thought about it. Olivia touched his cheek and put her lips on his, an instant assurance he needed immediately. “I’m here with you now … but I’m not gonna lie to you … I have to be home later and be with him.”
He opened his eyes. The clearest blue penetrated her soul. They were judging her. He was hurt even though he knew the consequences of being with her.
How long can this last? She thought. How long can she juggle her husband and her lover without hurting everyone involved, including herself? It’s not what he wanted or what she wanted, but it is what it is. They sealed it with a kiss, hoping it would blur the reality that they are together but not together. And after his revelation about what happened to him years ago, she didn’t have the heart to tell him that Declan insisted on doing the IVF … no matter what.