Winning My Ex-Crush

Laird’s POV

Fenella and I were still sitting on the balcony. Even as night fell, we devoted our time fully to understanding each other. I was already on my third cigarette.

At first, I thought I wanted to bury all the bad memories from high school, but it turned out that those feelings kept piling up. Resentment and trauma remained. So, I gave Fenella and myself the chance to talk about it. There was no need to avoid or hide the frustrations I’d been holding onto for so long.

Now, I felt certain that we wouldn’t be able to maintain this relationship if we didn’t openly confront our emotional wounds.

“That’s how I’ve felt all this time, Laird. In my view, you have always disappointed me. You always chose to distance yourself and leave me when things got bad.”

“I think I want to face my feelings properly. I want our relationship to succeed, so I know now it’s time to resolve all the grudges and mistrust I have towards you.” She looked at me as I processed everything she had said.

“If after this you still think my ambitions bother you, or if you feel you can’t face me anymore…” her voice choked.

I let Fenella express everything she felt. Everything she thought about me and uncovering the things we had been hiding. It turned out those bad memories were quite heavy.

It had never crossed my mind that Fenella experienced such bad things in high school. She always showed a cheerful impression. She did complain once or twice about Amy, but I ignored it, thinking it was just her jealousy.

Now that I knew everything, I felt stupid.

“Laird?”

I snorted and chuckled softly. I could only shake my head in disbelief at everything she had just told me. If everything Fenella said was true, then I was the dumbest man ever.

I thought I was good at reading people’s hearts, but when it came to Fenella, I was blind. I never expected someone would take advantage of my feelings for her. Worse, that person was Amy, Fenella’s bully.

“Oh, God, Fenella. Honestly, I don’t even know what to say anymore.” I rubbed my face and neck repeatedly, feeling uncomfortable.

“Why? Is something wrong?” she asked, furrowing her brow.

“Yes. All of this is wrong. Now I know why you’ve always blamed me, while I was also traumatized and always blamed you,” I laughed as my wrist wiped the corner of my watery eye.

I felt ridiculous.

“Laird? Are you crying?” She asked, leaning closer to see me better.

“Yes, I think so.” I took a deep breath.© NôvelDrama.Org - All rights reserved.

God, save me.

“Really?” she asked in disbelief.

I could only laugh at my own foolishness and shake my head again. My mouth moved from rising frustration to swearing.

“Why, Laird? Tell me,” she urged.

“Oof, how do I even say this to you?” I took another strong drag on my cigarette while she could only long-stare at me.

“Uhm, Fenella, I might need to tell you what I’ve believed all this time.” I prepared myself to tell everything from my perspective.

“Are you going to tell me how much you hated me for confessing my love to you in front of everyone at prom night?”

“Not exactly like that, but I think you should know,” I said, staring at her intently.

“It seems I’ve misunderstood you all this time.” I propped my elbows on my thighs and cradled my face with frustration.

“Misunderstood?”

My heart sank upon hearing the confused and scared tone in Fenella’s voice.

“Misunderstood about what?” she asked again.

Oh, damn! How could I confess to her now? I shook my head. It felt hard to tell her everything.

“Listen, I think I’ve been manipulated by your friend, Amy,” I confessed slowly.

The atmosphere grew tense. I could almost hear my own heartbeat in front of Fenella. Fear pierced my heart at that moment.

How could I tell her that I was so foolish to be easily manipulated? Maybe I was too arrogant because I have often been praised as a prodigy since childhood. It weighed me down, and now it turned out to be false.

Damn it! I was the one who messed up my relationship with Fenella. All because of the jealousy that consumed me.

“I have a bad feeling. Has she been the reason you rejected me back then?” she asked me.

I stared at her for a long time before finally nodding. At that silent answer, her eyes widened, and her mouth gaped. My heart pounded.

“What did Amy actually do at prom night?” she asked me.

“Before I tell you, I just want to make one thing clear. I want our relationship to work,” I said, as if setting a condition for her not to be angry with me.

“Yes, I do too,” she nodded.

“I hope after this, we can stop being suspicious of each other,” I said.

“Yes, I hope so too,” she nodded again.

“And after this, I think I should do my own investigation,” I said cautiously.

“Investigation?” she asked, widening her eyes and gaping.

“Amy, your housemate, is the source of our ongoing problem. I know I shouldn’t blame her, but what she did to me was a severe blow, and I think to this day, her shadow continues to haunt us.”

***

Prom night, the end of twelfth grade…

I stood silently watching as Fenella’s back grew further away from me. She left with a broad smile, as if assuring me that everything would be fine and I didn’t need to worry. Unfortunately, the more she asked me not to worry, the more worried I became.

How could I not? Fenella was impulsive. She could do anything unpredictable when faced with a pressing situation. Now, I didn’t know what she was going to do, but I had a bad feeling.

I chose to walk to the table where the fruit punch was served at the drink counter. Just as I was about to grab a glass and fill it with sweet fruit punch, someone called my name in a tone I never liked.

“Laird…” her voice dragged on, and she sighed.

My body turned, and I raised an eyebrow as I saw the girl. Amy is Fenella’s housemate. Not that I wanted to be cocky, but that girl was persistent. She kept inviting me to do various activities together that I didn’t like.

Go to a billiards place? Not if it meant I had to play against her. Ice skating, roller skating, bakery, and amusement park? I never had time for that.

For years, I focused my mind on academics and baseball to distract myself from the issues of my parents’ divorce, even though I really wanted to spend time with Fenella. I had decided back then that I would let Fenella have fun with her friends. Unfortunately, she chose to be friends with Amy.

“Hey,” I replied briefly.

“Oh, come on, why so stiff?” she asked, trying to wrap her arm around mine, but I backed out.

“Er, sorry, I forgot your name.” Of course, I was lying.

“You’re so funny, Laird. It’s me, Amy Schmidt.”