Winning My Ex-Crush

Fenella’s POVBelongs to © n0velDrama.Org.

Maybe I couldn’t bear the burden anymore. I went to Boston hoping to find a bit of peace from all the mental strain about everything. Ugh, who would have thought Alan would chase me all the way to Boston?

I no longer cared about anything. At that moment, I needed complete peace, which is why I went home and left Alan behind.

When I got home, I realized I had also left my mother alone in the park with all those things. There was the trolley; my mother must still be strong enough to push it from the park to here, but it made me feel guilty.

No, I couldn’t see Alan again.

Guilt gnawed at me bit by bit. How could he endure for so long to reach this point? How could he do everything with me as his main goal?

I went into the house, up to my room on the second floor, and lay down on the bed. The back of my hand covered my eyes, and I remained motionless for a long time, thinking about everything.

‘Even though Laird has rejected you and broken your heart, you’ve still liked him for these seven years. Even after becoming a model who could get any man, you still like Laird. What’s the difference with me?’

‘Fenella, will you marry me?’

“Aah! No, no, no!”

I pounded my fists on the bed. I whined like a baby having a tantrum.

How could all this happen?!

I curled up on my bed. My eyes were shut to block out all the painful light. My breath came fast, and I cursed my misfortune alone.

***

The biting cold eventually woke me up. I sat up and turned to my open-room window. The orange sun looked darker than the day before. I got out of bed and walked to the end of the room. I turned on the heater and then went to the window, intending to close it.

Outside the house, I could see Alan and my mother walking along the sidewalk. Alan was pushing my mother’s trolley, which was filled with things, and helping her into the house. I kept watching Alan as he began to walk away.

It seemed he realized he was being watched. Suddenly, he looked up, and we made eye contact. Alan raised his arms high in the air, and I heard his loud voice.

“Fenella! I will wait for you!”

My eyes widened as he saw me. I quickly hid behind the wall with my heart racing. I thought he would leave soon, but he continued shouting impolitely in our residential area.

“Fenella! I’m sure you’ll accept my feelings! I’ll wait for you until you come to me! Did you hear that?!”

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. My body trembled, and I sank down until I was crouched on the floor.

“I love you, Fenella Baxter!”

I didn’t dare to move an inch from where I was. My knees were tightly bent, and I rested my head on my knees. In my heart, I kept praying for him to leave soon. I waited a long time, straining my ears to catch Alan’s voice again.

When I no longer heard his voice, I finally dared to peek out from the window. My head peeked from the lower edge of the window. I looked for Alan outside, but his silhouette was no longer visible. I sighed deeply and stood up to close the window tightly.

“Fenella,” my mother said, knocking on the door.

“Yes, Mom.”

My mother came into the room, and I immediately turned to find her looking tired. She sighed deeply and sat on the edge of my bed.

“It seems you came home early.”

“Hm, yes. Sorry, Mom. I left you alone in the park.”

I bit my lower lip, my body still awkwardly leaning against the window. Unconsciously, I covered the window as if hiding my embarrassing secret about Alan. Even though I hoped my mother hadn’t heard Alan’s words, it was clear she must have heard Alan’s shouting.

“It’s okay. I’m used to doing things alone.” My mother nodded with an understanding tone.

I lowered my head. Again, I felt guilty for not being able to come home more often and for leaving my elderly mother to live alone. Even though I hoped she would want to move to New York with me, she didn’t want to part with this house. And there were thousands of other reasons that made my mother stubborn about staying alone.

“How many did we get from the bazaar?”

“We sold $4230. Can you believe that?” She laughed.

“Was it all Alan’s money?” I asked in a low voice.

“Mostly, but not all. A couple bought my dinnerware set for $30.” She sighed with a small smile. We froze in silence until my mother asked me.

“Was that Alan, your boss?”

“I’ve resigned from his agency,” I replied quietly. My mother mumbled, trying to understand.

“Is it because you didn’t want to be seen as dating your boss?”

“Oh, no, Mom. You got it all wrong. I’m not dating him.” I quickly shook my head.

“Then why did he leave this ring box with me?”

My mother took out a red velvet box from her jacket. She placed the box on the bed, and I just stared at it. I was even reluctant to touch it, as if it were burning charcoal that would hurt me.

“He insisted.” I muttered softly.

“You don’t like him?”

“No. I already have a boyfriend,” I said quickly.

“Really?”

“Yes. Laird.”

My mother fell silent upon hearing Laird’s name. She stared at me for a long time and then sighed deeply.

“Some things never change.” She chuckled for a moment.

“I can’t change my feelings for him.” I lowered my head with flushed cheeks.

“Then where is Laird? He usually comes home a day before the Christmas Eve party.”

“Does the Evans family still hold a Christmas Eve party every year?”

“His father enjoys bragging about his achievements and his two sons. His work colleagues and neighbors are invited to their home every year.” My mother sighed deeply and rolled her eyes upward. “Didn’t Laird tell you when he would be returning to Boston?”

I sighed deeply and sat next to my mother. “There’s a big problem.”

Then I told my mother everything. About my meeting with Laird, about Alan, and about my latest scandal. When I reached the part about what happened this afternoon in the park with Alan, my tears began to flow.

“Sorry, Mom. I can’t make you proud.”

“No, Fenella. You will always be your father’s and my pride.” My mother shook her head.

“But if you saw that advertisement-”

“I’ve seen it. I think it’s quite funny and creative. So, don’t think about it too much.”

“You’ve seen it?” I blinked my wet eyes. “OMG. That’s embarrassing.” I covered my face with my hands.

“It’s okay, dear.”

“It’s all because of Alan. He trapped me. And after he did all that to me, now he says he’s loved me all along. I can’t accept it.”

My crying began to break, and my voice grew hoarse. Tears streamed down my cheeks. My mother immediately hugged me tightly, and I buried my head on her shoulder.

“I don’t love him, but this guilt is killing me, Mom. My heart is so messed up right now.”

My mother gently stroked my temples. She embraced me and patted my back lovingly. Suddenly, once again, I became a spoiled little girl who knew nothing about the world.

“It’s okay, dear. Follow your heart. Love cannot be forced.”

“What about Alan? My heart aches knowing the sadness he’s been feeling all this time.”

“But you can’t sacrifice your own feelings to make someone else happy. The guilt and pity you show him will only torment him more.”

I straightened up and pulled away from my mother’s embrace. I looked at her, and she wiped the tears from my cheeks.

“Is it allowed? Can I be that selfish?”

“You won’t be able to make everyone happy. You should prioritize your own happiness first.”

My tears subsided as I listened to my mother’s calm voice.