Zero and Beauty's Breath (A Satan Sniper's Motorcycle Club Series Book 3 - 4)

Chapter 28 (Beggar)

Now, I just want Zero to tell me what he needs to. I want to tell him how I thought about him, how I

never stopped regretting the way he found out about me.

I want to tell him how I wish that we met years ago before I fell at the feet of a beautiful creature and

got myself trapped under a false sense of perfection.

I wish to tell him the facts of my life, the ugly truth that I was never meant to remain a permanent fixture

in his life, that I would always just be the woman he once knew.

But the longer I stand here, facts are just that- facts.

I open my mouth to the things I have thought to say. Words I want him to hear, confessions I feel he

needs, but my wants become stuck.

And the one thing I have tried to crush since I first met Zero hits me that if I was another woman the

force of it would have me on my hands and knees.

The need for him to accept me is so potent. But doubt is ugly 'cause it is there reminding me of what I

can't have, let alone from a hero like Zero.

But hope is a fool's courage, and I believe those words, and live by them.

Only now, as I am faced with this man, who owns the final piece of me I want to be a fool, even

knowing that it won't guarantee shit. Even knowing that our stars only touched. It exploded, and for that

time my dim light became so bright, showed me a glimpse of heaven.

A taste of something I was never meant to have, the goodness of love was meant for pure souls, not a

filthy one like my own.

So my words don't come as they should. Instead, they come from somewhere deep in me, a place I

convince myself doesn't exist,

“I keep thinkin' you'd wanna talk about us, what I did, but you avoid me, why?.”

“There is no us Beggar, never has been. You should have read the letter, save yourself all this

thinking.” His words are meant to hurt me, but I have been a woman scorned far worst than a woman

rejected.

So it just angers me, something I started feeling when Lucca gave Kylie to his men so they could rape

and torture her.

She survived, but I wonder how much of her soul survived with her. It stirs up this fire deep in me, and

anger I sometimes want to unleash.

It takes a lot to simmer it down, but I keep managing, knowing soon it will blow.

“If you gonna tell me a lie, do it to my face, if you want to reject me don't do it with words on a paper.

I'm standing right here Zero,” my voice sounds like someone is scraping at my throat with sandpaper. Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

I hate the sound, it is a reminder of my one day in hell. The same Hell Kylie experienced twenty-one

times over for three weeks.

Only Zero once whispered how he liked my fucked up voice, he said it made his dick so hard.

"I can't even look at you right now," he slams the hammer on the wooden table.

Months ago his display of anger would have made me jump, now I stand watching him as his actions

tell me more than the words he tries to hurt me with.

And the sun is my witness that he looks fucking sexy doing it.

I should leave now. I tilt my head, my eyes squinted on the man who is angry because he is trying to

deny me. Convincing himself we are nothing.

But I know that nothing has to always be nothing. It can't come from something so strong, then

suddenly die and be nothing.

There is always something there.

“It's too bad because I don't think we'd have another chance to talk about this.”

“If you looking for redemption you are not gonna get it from me, so leave me the fuck alone.”

I take a few steps closer to him, and laugh at his words, “I accepted my fate the day I pushed my baby

girl out of my body, knowing I will never hear her voice call me mommy. I lost all hope for redemption

the day I handed my kid over to Deno, my soul was already gone but my life was still here, so I gave

mine for hers. A life for a life.”

“I don't care to hear your excuses. You had your chance to tell me the truth, that was all I ever wanted,

but like always you told me what you wanted to, played the innocent victim.” He doesn't look at me, but

I don't need his eyes when his words yell more than he would ever know.

I close my own, knowing that pain he is feeling is from the betrayal I caused,

“I knew the day I left our story was no more, but even a fucked up person like me can admit that some

small part of me held out hope that I'd get to see you. I don't believe in hope, it's a fool's way of living,

but this time I got that hope. I get to see you, I see you smile, laugh even if it is with another woman.”

“A woman who doesn't want to kill my brother.”

His words are true but don't stop me as I stamp my feet right up to him and grab him by his white t-

shirt.

He spins around and his fingers lock around my wrist in an unyielding grip that I am certain will bruise.

"You are right to move on, and you are right about me, but denying what we had even if it is in the past

is not right, Judging me without knowing why you are doing it is not right, looking at me as if I was

nothing to you is not right Zero.”

My words are whispered at the end, as I barely part my lips with his name.

I pull my wrist, and he lets it go.

My back blocks him out as I spin on my boot-covered feet, knowing that now I should leave.