Hatred With Benefits

S I X T Y - S I X

ALIYA.

How does one love? How do you fall in love with that person and decide you want to keep that moment

forever? How does one stay in love without wanting to leave?

These are the thoughts that are always on my mind ever since that day. Ever since she ran out of my

room with tears in her eyes and I watch her leave, because I know going after her will do nothing but

worsen the pain that I've caused. The pain that I couldn't hold back building.

My name is Aliya Collins and I have a problem.

I do not know how to love and stay in love.

At first, I thought maybe it was because I've never been in a relationship, but after being and breaking

out of love – I realised that never was the problem. It was vice versa. It isn't that I couldn't love because

I wasn't in a relationship; I wasn't in a relationship because I couldn't love. But things changed from that

moment I met her.

Have you ever looked into someone's eyes, and thought: oh, I do want to know this person more than

this. I do want her to be by my side for what's to come and near. Cause I have. I looked into her

beautiful brown eyes and I knew I wanted to know her more than that. I knew I wanted her by my side,

and I got it. Everything was going well in my life. I wake up knowing I'm in love with someone and I go

to sleep knowing I've got a special place in someone's heart.

Then it turned upside side.

One minute, I was living one of the most beautiful moments of my life and in the second minute,

everything that I've always dreaded came alive.

I was in love with her. I knew it. I felt it. Said it so many fucking times in so many different ways, then I

wasn't? That moment when you're living a beautiful dream, only for the acerbity of the reality to hit you?

That was how it felt.

Sage meant so much to me. And still do. I cared for her, and wanted her to be by my side till she grows

tired of me, but I was actually the one who grew tired. I've thought of many reasons why we would have

parted, but I never thought it would be because I suddenly fell out of love with her. People break up

because their partners cheat, because their relationship isn't going as they want it to or because they

are in a toxic relationship, and I wonder if there have been any breakups because you just stop being in

love with the other person?

What exactly is wrong with me? I've seen people in love and I've watched them grow old in it. I'm

surrounded by love and I watch love grow daily, but why isn't that happening to me? Why did I easily

get tired of loving her? Why did I do that? Is this a curse for me? To what offence have I done to be

made this way? And to what extent would it go? If I could fall out of love with someone I felt was the

one, then who else is out there for me?

Having had a taste of love, I do want it more now than ever, but how do I get that when love doesn't

want me?

"Hey, you!" Eva's cheerful voice pulls me back to the reality of the cold world that's before me and I

raise my head to smile at her. "Hey–" I take a peek behind her to see her boyfriend getting out of the

car they came in with. My best friend is in love and every single day, I watch her glow even brighter but

me? I lose bit by bit of my sanity with each second that passes.

"Your man again today?" I tease her and she throws me a glare as she removes her hand from my

shoulder, "Don't start this morning, Aliya. "

"You blush too hard, Evie. I'm afraid you'll turn into a tomato at one point. " I continue my taunt despite

her alleged dislike for it and she shoves her middle finger in my face, causing me to let out a laugh.

As we make our way to the first class, my eyes move around us, like it's been doing for days and the

familiar disappointment and worry flood through me like always when I don't get what I'm looking for.

"You just have to ask you know. You don't have to pretend as though you aren't worried. " Evie's voice

beside me brings my attention to her and I raise a brow, feigning ignorance even when I know what

exactly she's hinting at. "What are you saying?"

"I know you're looking for her, Lia. You've been doing this every single day since Monday. " She calls

me out, and I drop my head, avoiding her gaze as I speak, "I'm clueless as to what you mean. "

Eva's grip on my arm halts my steps and I twist my head to meet her eyes.

"I know you're worried because Sage hasn't been here for days. " She lets out the words I'm afraid of

and I shake my head, "I'm not–"

Eva doesn't let me finish before she interrupts me, holding an amused expression as she speaks. "You

forgot I'm not the only one who's bad at lying?"

There's a rise of my chest and the fall with the sink of my shoulders before I part my lips, "I don't have

the right to be worried about her. Not after what I did. "

"Of course you do. You shouldn't think that. You had something special with her, Lia. " She says and I

smile, "Yeah, and I fucked it up. "

"It wasn't your fault. We should always have the freedom to express our feelings, no matter how much

it hurts the other person. " Maybe she's right, but isn't it better to hold back expressing those feelings

that just hurt too much? Couldn't it have been better to keep lying just to prevent that pain?

When I don't give a response, Eva proceeds to say, "She hasn't been in since Paige left. I think she's

down because of it; they were close after all. "

Right. Paige. The one who left after chaos.

"I'm sure she's fine. She should be, but if you're that worried then I can ask Emerson to—"

"No, " I say, silencing the rest of her words. "You shouldn't. You don't have to. It's like you said; she's

fine. "

"Are you sure?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at me and I give her a small smile to assure her. "I am.

Now let's stop speaking about it. "

She nods and I drape a hand over her shoulder as we walk into the hallways.

"So how are things going with you and Emerson?" I nudge her with my elbow to lighten the mood

between us as we stride closer to the class and she says, "Why are you suddenly interested in my

relationship?"

"Haven't I always been?" I arch my brows and she laughs. "That's right. I forgot you've always been

this noisy. It's a surprise that I'm still here. "

"Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"Does it sound like one to your ears?" She retorts, the mockery beneath her words not escaping my

notice and I say, "Sometimes, I honestly wonder why I put up with you. "

"That's because you know you can't find another one like me, bitch. " She passes me a wink and I

shake my head, a laugh falling from my mouth as we walk inside the room.

Eva stops beside me when we get to the front and I trace the direction of her gaze to land on no one

else but Emerson Ford. His smile matches the one on her face as they dive into their little world.

Love. A beautiful moment of love.

If my best friend can fall in love with a guy she once hated, then why's it hard for me to stay in love with

the one I've always cared for?

~

EVA.

"Why don't you want Hanna to come?" I ask Emerson as I climb on the bed and he looks up from the

board in front of him, "She told you?"

"That doesn't answer my question, " I tell him and he says, "She has your contact? When did you two

exchange contacts?"

"Emerson. " I let out a groan of frustration. "Why don't you want her to come here?"

"Why should she?" He counters as he grabs his pencil. When I glare at him, he proceeds to say, "There

are many reasons for her not to; one of those reasons being the fact that she can't be around us. "

"What do you mean?" I frown and look down at my chest when he gestures to it. I pull down the shirt

before I look back at Emerson, "Why can't she be around us?"

"I can't keep my hands off you, Carson and I don't want my sister witnessing every single second of

that. " He says nonchalantly as he looks down to the board before him, his hand moving across it. Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.

"Still– she said she isn't staying overnight. I'm sure you can keep it in your pants for hours, Ford. " I try

to persuade him, knowing the girl really wants to see her brother but Emerson remains stubborn. "No, I

can't and she can't come. We'll meet when I go back home. "

"You're going back home?"

"You're distracting me. " He hisses, looking up at me with a pointed look and I pout, blinking at him

innocently. Emerson laughs and shakes his head before he drops his gaze.

"You're honestly keeping her back?" I speak up again.

"I need to focus, baby. " He says and I nod as I adjust on the bed while he starts his drawing.

~

"Hmm," I make a sound at the back of my throat as Emerson's hand slide around my neck to the back

of my head, gently lifting me from the bed.

"You taste so fùcking good, " he mumbles against my lips before he pulls back to stare into my eyes

and my breathing comes out in short pants. "I'll never be able to get enough of you, Eva. "

My tongue peeks out to wet my bottom lip as I drop my hands down his chest, loving the slight tremble

under my touch. "I don't want you to ever get enough. "

Emerson's lips curve into a soft smile and he leans forward to take my lips in his again, his tongue

sliding through the space between my lips to dominate my mouth. Stroking and sucking on my tongue

till I let out a whimper at how fucking good it feels and wetness pools between my legs.

Emerson detaches his lips from mine, lowering his head to the side and I let out a moan of contentment

as his lips melt against the skin of my neck, teeth grazing across the flesh till I'm sure he leaves his

mark.

"Emerson–" I let out a call of his name, and something tells me he knows exactly what I want when he

pulls back with a smirk on his face.

"I need to use the bathroom, " he announces and I raise a brow, "Right now?"

"Yes, right now Diva. " He chuckles, pushing forward to brush his lips against mine before he says,

"Can we have lunch when I come back?"

"Does that have a double meaning?" I ask and he shakes his head, "You're addicted to my cock,

Carson. I'm almost afraid the little guy will steal you away from me. "

"It's impossible not to when he's the one doing all the job. " I tell him in a tease and he lifts himself off

me to climb off the bed. Just before he makes it, I push my body from the bed to place a slap on his

ass and Emerson turns to glare at me.

"You have a fine ass, Ford. You can't blame me for it. " I repeat my usual words and he shakes his

head like he always does, the ghost of a smile playing by the corners of his lips before he disappears

into the bathroom.

I let out a sigh as I look around the room before I get off the bed. I slip my feet into the slippers by the

side and make my way out of Emerson's room to the direction of the kitchen.

I open the fridge and grab the last bowl of ice cream with a spoon before I stride into the living room

and drop on the couch. As I take the first bite of the ice cream with the familiar chilliness washing

through me; my eyes go to the phone on the table and I extend my hand to grab it.

I keep the spoon between my lips as I unlock the screen and scroll to the gallery. Just as I'm about to

touch the screen, Emerson's voice echoes behind me, "What are you doing?"

I twist my head to his view and begin to say, "Hey, do you have those pictures from last–"

"What do you think you're doing?" He interrupts me before I can finish and I arch a confused brow,

"Uh?"

"You have my phone in hand. Why do you have my phone in hand, Carson?" The tone of his voice is

strange as he paces toward me and I say, "What do you mean? Is something wrong?"

"Obviously there is if you're operating my phone behind my back?" I note the annoyance in his words

and I let out a scoff, "I wasn't. I was just trying to–"

"Give it. " He stretches his hand and I look between the phone and his palm before I place it in his

hand.

He takes it from me and I watch as his fingers move across the screen, "Where did you go? What did

you do?"

"I was about to take a look at the pictures you took last time. " I tell him and he raises his head to me,

"Are you sure that was all?"

"Why are you overreacting? It's just a fucking phone. You never had a problem with me touching your

phone before. " I snap, irritation creeping into my voice and Emerson sighs, slipping the mobile into his

pants pocket. "You never take it without my approval before this. "

"You were in the bathroom, and I honestly didn't think you'd be this pressed. " I hiss and there's a

pause before he opens his mouth, "Just don't... Just don't do this again, yeah?"

I want to tell him that we never had issues with phone boundaries but knowing that'll lead to an

unwanted long argument, I agree, "Fine. "

"Good girl. " He smiles, moving closer to press his hand to the side of my face. And when his eyes dart

to the bowl in my other hand, he says, "Ice cream for lunch?"

"I was craving it. " I voice out and Emerson nods. "You always do. Wait here, and I'll go make us

something for lunch. "

"Okay. " I respond and he presses his lips to my cheek before he turns away to the direction of the

kitchen, and I stare at his back view, wondering what the fuck just happened.