Surrender Your Sensations

Prosopagnosia had no cure. It was a permanent neuro-degenerative disease affecting my facial recognition system. I had this when I was a kid- my neurologist diagnosed me as being born with it. It’s a genetically-induced condition, for my case.

“That’s already a miracle, Meredith. People born with prosopagnosia tend to have the least chance to see anyone’s face. Most people, throughout their lives, haven’t had a chance to see the faces of people important to them.”

I stared at Dr. Gregorio Baller, Aunt Bernadeth’s second husband. He had been my neurologist since I was a kid. He knew my prosopagnosia like the back of his hand.

After I told him what happened last night, he told me it was a miracle. I was stunned. The anger I felt earlier subsided.

“You already experienced a miracle for a prosopagnosia patient, Meredith. The fact that you can still see people’s facial features at some point when you move your face closer to them was a miracle already.” Greg held my hand and tapped it as a sign of reassurance. “I can’t ask you to really be thankful that you had it less worse than the others because living with this kind of disease is nothing to be thankful about. But I want you to appreciate it.”

Then and there, I realized that I should be thankful that I saw Rupert’s whole face. At least, his features were retained in my memory.

I read a lot of prosopagnosia cases. Almost all of them were never given a chance to see anyone’s face or even their own faces. While here I was, at least I could still see someone’s eyes, nose, and lips if I moved a little closer to that someone’s face. Although it was not that clear, I could still see my face in front of a mirror. And last night, the happiest moment in my life, I was able to see my man’s whole face.

Indeed, there were miracles in between our struggles in life.

“What happened last night can be repeated, Meredith. There were people from the US with prosopagnosia who experienced the same thing. In specific moments, they can see people’s faces. Those chances are short but that proves that prosopagnosia can be cured once the human brain is fully understood. ”

Cure.

That would be nice. I wish … I can have that cure.

“I don’t know when that day will happen again but I will be here, Meredith. I am not going to leave you. As your doctor, I promise to tend to everything you will need.” Greg let go of my hand and nodded. “Eian and your Aunt Bernadette will also be there. Especially in difficult times.”

I smiled and finally lost the anger I was feeling. Right now, I should be thankful that I had people who never get tired of helping me.

“Thank you, Greg. This means a lot to me.”

“I want to meet the man you were with last night. He could be the reason why that miracle moment occurred,” he mentioned, catching me aghast.

“Rupert?”

“Is he your boyfriend?” I heard the playfulness in Greg’s voice and I couldn’t help my cheeks to get flustered. “You have to really introduce him to me and to your Dad. We have to assess his intentions. There’s no way he can have his ways to you without meeting us”

I laughed at Greg’s remark. I just nodded at him, thinking that it’s really too late for them to stop Rupert from having his way with me. He reached home run already. It’d been a long time.

***

Like usual, I put a wide smile on my face the moment I set foot in the campus.

Somehow, I felt relieved after Greg explained to me the situation about my prosopagnosia. I was glad that I decided to see him before going to the university. He cleared my mind. And the anger and frustrations I felt earlier subsided.

Rupert had an early exam, so he wasn’t able to be with me in consulting Greg. But he promised that he would pick me up later after my debate training.

There were a lot of things on my plate right now. After my prosopagnosia stint, tomorrow was going to be the release of my biopsy results. And then, three days from now was the regional debate competition.

Technically, I could patiently wait for another miracle moment where I could have a chance to see Rupert’s face again. Greg said, it could happen when I became excited, anxious or a bit shaken. Those unexpected moments could trigger an increase in my blood pressure and thus, could also increase the oxygen flow in my brain. Right now, it’s what Greg thought as the reason why I saw Rupert’s face last night.

I was so elated and so … shocked with Rupert’s confession that my blood pressure pumped enough oxygen in my brain.

The forced smile on my lips turned into a real smile when I remembered Rupert’s sweetness. I still couldn’t believe that a one night stand could actually lead to something beautiful like this.

“Meredith!”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

Someone called me. I turned around and saw a tall man approaching me while waving his hand. By estimation, I think he was close to six-nine in height. It could be David or Gelo.

“How was the check-up?”

It’s Gelo. He was the only one from my debate colleagues who knew about my general check-up.

I immediately averted my eyes from him before shrugging. We both stopped walking in front of the debate room’s door. I was about to open the door when Gelo held my arm.

“Why didn’t you answer my question? Did something happen?”

I forced a smile and then finally faced him. His face was blurry like it always is. “There’s a lump in my right breast again. I did a biopsy,” I briefly explained to him.

His hand around my arm tightened and then he pulled me inside the debate room. “Gelo!”

“Explain everything to me,” he said silently.

My eyes widened. “Inside?”

Gelo stopped and then let go of my arm. He opened the door of the debate room wide open. “No one’s here. I saw Cherry at the printing shop then David and Minzy were together in the cafeteria. Sir Romeo and Ma’am Juliet said in their text earlier that they had to attend a sudden meeting.”

“They texted us?” I was about to look on my phone to check on our trainers’ text message when Gelo spoke.

“Stop acting that you’re okay. You are not, Meredith. I know you’re thinking a lot. I am here to listen.”

I looked back at Gelo and spontaneously lost my wide smile. I sighed before heading into the debate room. “Isn’t it nice to see through people just by looking at their facial expressions?” I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice.

I went straight to the debate platform and sat on the right side where the affirmative side of a debate was often assigned. I thought Gelo was going to sit next to me. But I was shocked when he stood on the other side.

“Isn’t it nice to not see people’s faces and how they hide their true intentions by faking smiles?” Gelo asked me again.

I frowned before shaking my head on our current set-up. He was standing on the opposite side like we were in a debate. “What is this? Are we having a debate now whether having prosopagnosia is an advantage or not?” I joked, letting a heavy breath escape my mouth. “Believe me, it’s tiring to see people with blurry faces. They look like monsters that can eat you at any time because you can’t see who the real ally is and who isn’t.”